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Ever Pissed/Shit Yourself As A Grown Man/woman.

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Several times although it was always when out of my nut on ectos. The relief when you have a piss then is second to none and there have been heapos of times when I couldn't manage then as soon as I left the closeness of a bog out it came. Also got a bad habit of pissing in strange places while sleep walking pissing.

 

Sitting Room fireplace at Boofon Manor was the last accidental hose mishap. Thankfully the fire wasn't lit at the time.

 

Done it in all manner of places.

 

Never sh*t myself though which is something to be proud of unlike a mate of mine who has done that twice. Always nice when he starts off a slating match and I give the "At least I've never sh*t myself" comeback which halts his gob.

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It's one thing I've never done is piss myself.

 

Pat my shants at work one time though, had a binge the night before, thought it was safe to fart, it wasn't.

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The Piss Club is an exclusive club. Outsiders turn their noses up at you until they creep over one day and indeed have joined the club themselves.

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It's one thing I've never done is piss myself.

 

Pat my shants at work one time though, had a binge the night before, thought it was safe to fart, it wasn't.

 

 

An old boy i used to work with years ago, Scotia Instrumentation to be precise. Shat himself at work told everyone and casually removed them in the bogs and chucked them in the big open top bin outside where we all stood for tabs and coffee.

If anyone on here works there hes an old midget who runs the Pump Workshop.

 

Purple Y-Fronts aswell, i'll never forget that memory.

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Never pissed myself, or shat myself.

 

My mate has sharted 3 times though. The latest one was the best story. He was hungover in his bed mid-day on holiday in Mexico, farted, went back to sleep.

 

His bird jumped into bed about an hour later for a shag and ended up with sh*te all down her leg haha.

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Does waking up and finding a big damp patch in the sitting room count?

 

No but I can recommend a decent plasterer if it's effecting your walls.

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An old boy i used to work with years ago, Scotia Instrumentation to be precise. Shat himself at work told everyone and casually removed them in the bogs and chucked them in the big open top bin outside where we all stood for tabs and coffee.

If anyone on here works there hes an old midget who runs the Pump Workshop.

 

Purple Y-Fronts aswell, i'll never forget that memory.

 

Similar to myself in the fact I shat myself at work. I had bought a Thai Box from the Thai Van, was well into it at the time, and was near finished.....let a little fart go, realised it wasn't a fart and it felt warm and wattery.....BUT I continued eating my Thai food, and once I was finished, went to the toilet.....white boxers clarted in sh*te, cleaned my arse up, no bin in the toilet......oh f**k. I'm standing there with my boxers in hand and cannot find a bin in the toilet, if someone walked in at that moment, I looked like a weirdo. Quickly grabbed some toilet roll, wrapped my boxers up in the toilet roll, ran out the toilet and put them in a bin outside.

 

Another strange story which happened to me the other week, I was in Triple Kirks (gads I know) - went for a sh*te, once I'd finished, looked to the left (within eye level that's where you expect the toilet roll to be.....more on this soon) - NO toilet roll, and no box thing for the toilet roll, nothing - looked down, where the toilet roll is sometimes stored....nothing. Oh f**k, what on earth do I do here, my arse will be clarted. Well I thought fast, and decided - right, socks it is, removed both my socks and had to use those to wipe.

 

I then stood up (I'm almost 6 foot) - flushed the toilet and on the left hand side within my now eye level, the f**king box thing that holds the sandpaper toilet roll, I was now really pissed off.....

 

Tried to flush the toilet, wouldn't flush - socks had blocked the pan, serves them right for having the toilet roll holder in the most ridiculous place.

 

Quickly washed the hands, ran out and told my mate who was drinking with me. He was near on the floor with laughter. We soon got out of there, I fully expected someone to come looking for the gadgie with no socks on who's now flooded the toilet, I wasn't prepared to take the blame, because the sh*te was stinking.

Edited by Roberto

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Several drunk sleep pishing incidents.

The most spectacular was pissing on my brother whilst he slept.

He will tell anyone who will listen when were in the pub..

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Never pissed myself, or shat myself.

 

My mate has sharted 3 times though. The latest one was the best story. He was hungover in his bed mid-day on holiday in Mexico, farted, went back to sleep.

 

His bird jumped into bed about an hour later for a shag and ended up with sh*te all down her leg haha.

 

Classic! :hysterical:

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After a particularly heavy session as a student ended up sharing a bed with a mate and woke up next morning to sh*te stained thighs, arse and boxers. I found the funny side, he didn't.

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After a particularly heavy session as a student ended up sharing a bed with a mate and woke up next morning to sh*te stained thighs, arse and boxers. I found the funny side, he didn't.

 

 

ooocha... had his rectum prolapsed when you pulled oot?

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Several drunk sleep pishing incidents.

The most spectacular was pissing on my brother whilst he slept.

He will tell anyone who will listen when were in the pub..

 

Aye, only pissed drunk once, had downed shots the lot on a 12 hour binge sesh, wife was ragng :laughing:

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Classic thread :hysterical:

 

And for the record i haven't shat or pissed myself but i've certainly been close. In fact i've got Crohns Disease so i'm actually amazed i've never sh*t myself, suppose i've just managed to do my Usain Bolt effort to the nearest bog.

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ooocha... had his rectum prolapsed when you pulled oot?

 

 

nah, none of that carry on, thanks.

 

it was me that shat myself in his bed.

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sh*t myself in Paris 98, had just watched England get humped by Romania and was goading a few thousand England fans who had watched it on a big screen, we were safely camped behind a line of riot police but things were getting tasty.

 

After a diet of beer and fags for days my guts were fecked, hence I let out what I thought was a fart, a warm slimy feeling in my nether regions suggested otherwise, I made it to a nearby bar but it had the worst toilet in the world with no toilet roll, at this point I could hear it kicking off outside, took off my jeans and boxers and sacrificed the latter to clear up the mess, got the worst of it off and left the boxers on the floor, then rejoined the night time fun, was a long night walking about in a john wayne stylee with English fans looking for our blood everywhere.

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aye thankfully i nay the only one I had a couple episodes

 

Once in tenerife on pills pissed on this dame, after finishing shagging her I pissed on her it went all over her back

 

Did the same thing to another lass an ex of mine only she woke up and ended up with me hosing on her tits, while I was fast asleep nae the proudest moment of my life but hey ho

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Sharting, is that whit it's called :cry:

 

Did it once, but eh had a stomach bug at the time. Thought all wis ok until eh got oot of the chair and noticed a broon stain on a cream cushion. WTF eh thought, that canna be shiite? A sniff confirmed it :o

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sh*t myself in Paris 98, had just watched England get humped by Romania and was goading a few thousand England fans who had watched it on a big screen, we were safely camped behind a line of riot police but things were getting tasty.

 

After a diet of beer and fags for days my guts were fecked, hence I let out what I thought was a fart, a warm slimy feeling in my nether regions suggested otherwise, I made it to a nearby bar but it had the worst toilet in the world with no toilet roll, at this point I could hear it kicking off outside, took off my jeans and boxers and sacrificed the latter to clear up the mess, got the worst of it off and left the boxers on the floor, then rejoined the night time fun, was a long night walking about in a john wayne stylee with English fans looking for our blood everywhere.

 

 

dayts, that is pwopa nawty shoutin abuse from behind a line of riot police.

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