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Ever Pissed/Shit Yourself As A Grown Man/woman.

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I was just discussing this thread with my mate.

And he just told me a f**kin topper!

 

One night him and I tanned a couple of bottles of vodka. I vaguely remember leaving his hoose and staggering home. But he just informed me that later on that night on his own he decided to try on his wifes clothes while she was sound asleep.

 

He woke up in the morning, lying in his kitchen in his wifes wedding dress which was covered in sh*te! He had had major arse collapse in his sleep and had been rolling around on the floor before he woke up.

 

I wondered why things were a bit frosty with his missus when I turned up the next day.

 

Only now 11 years later he spilt the beans.

Magic!

 

I don't know what is worse, the fact he sh*t himself - or you have a cross dressing mate.

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I was just discussing this thread with my mate.

And he just told me a f**kin topper!

 

One night him and I tanned a couple of bottles of vodka. I vaguely remember leaving his hoose and staggering home. But he just informed me that later on that night on his own he decided to try on his wifes clothes while she was sound asleep.

 

He woke up in the morning, lying in his kitchen in his wifes wedding dress which was covered in sh*te! He had had major arse collapse in his sleep and had been rolling around on the floor before he woke up.

 

I wondered why things were a bit frosty with his missus when I turned up the next day.

 

Only now 11 years later he spilt the beans.

Magic!

That is legendary!

 

Surely this guy is a gold member Cheesepipes!

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I was just discussing this thread with my mate.

And he just told me a f**kin topper!

 

One night him and I tanned a couple of bottles of vodka. I vaguely remember leaving his hoose and staggering home. But he just informed me that later on that night on his own he decided to try on his wifes clothes while she was sound asleep.

 

He woke up in the morning, lying in his kitchen in his wifes wedding dress which was covered in sh*te! He had had major arse collapse in his sleep and had been rolling around on the floor before he woke up.

 

I wondered why things were a bit frosty with his missus when I turned up the next day.

 

Only now 11 years later he spilt the beans.

Magic!

 

 

:hysterical:

 

A brave man trying on her clothes with her in the house though.

 

On that his wife must be on the hefty side as normally most blokes would struggle to fit a normal sized woman's clothes.

 

Knickers you can squeeze into nae bother but dresses are usually a touch tight. Or so I am told. :vader:

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That is legendary!

 

Surely this guy is a gold member Cheesepipes!

 

 

Straight into Platinum for life, access to the lounge of shame whenever he wants.

 

Lounge of shame incidently is where members can lose there inhibitions and bowel control at leisure without snooty nosed non members assuming we're minkers.

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Straight into Platinum for life, access to the lounge of shame whenever he wants.

 

Lounge of shame incidently is where members can lose there inhibitions and bowel control at leisure without snooty nosed non members assuming we're minkers.

 

:hysterical: :hysterical: :hysterical:

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I'm too level headed to do anything of that nature

 

 

Of all the sh*t that gets spouted on here thats as tall a tale i've ever heard!

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Lol, I've pished myself reading this thread! Some classic stories.

 

Seriously though, never shat or pissed myself.

 

Wee while ago the janny at my work admitted to bending over, farting and accidently shitting his breeks! Now he is always reffered to as shitey punts or the boy that shat his punts.

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never pissed myself that i can remember / know of, but sadly do remember following through on two occasions.

 

1. Night on the lash in Dundee... in the casino while watching Ricky Hatton fight. Well actually never seen any of the fight. He was en route to the ring when i had the accident and by the time i waddled to the bog, cleaned up and returned to my mates in the bar, the fight was over! Like another story further back, there was no bin in the toilet, so my shitty boxers were left in the pan for some lucky cleaner!

 

2. Cannae mind if it was after Madrid or Munich, but wasnt feeling too great on the first day back at work and thought it was safe to fart.... it wasnt, and to make matters worse, I was sitting down at the time.

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I have to hold my hands up to shitting myself.

 

I had just returned from a 3 weeks on the batter in various countries across Europe. Arrived back in Perth, went for a few pints. Entered a pizza shop on the way home and ordered. Shortly afterwards i slumped on the floor of the shop and knew there and then i couldnt even eat my pizza when it arrived, i was spinning.

Anyway - i got the pizza, stumbled out the door and instantly felt sick, i fell head first into the door of a church, couldnt put my hands out because i had a pizza in one hand and my luggage in the other so i spewed right down the door of the church and all over the steps.

Anyway - i got home after these 3 weeks and walked straight through the living room - never spoke to my maw or dad despite my long absence, not a single word. Crawled straight intae my scratcher and fell asleep.

Woke up the next morning, farted in my bed and i can only imagine the look of terror on my face as i filled my boxers.

It was remarkably firm considering what id ate and drank for 3 weeks.

So i was in trouble.

Due to the texture of the sh*te, i managed to sorta slither out of the boxers where they lay, leaving the pile of sh*t neatly contained within the undies, not even a skidmark on the bedsheets at all. Pulled on a pair of trackie breeks and put the scadded drawers into a bag, out the back door, walked for 30yards and launched a bag full of sh*t-filled boxers over someones high garden fence.

 

I often wonder to this day what the person who discovered this bag thought.

 

Class. :laughing:

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Not sure is class is the right word, but f**king funny!!!

 

Sharted when ill and had an "incident" at my ex gfs snooty parents house. Blazing sleeping in another bed from her (that snooty) I remember having a dream about waking up and it being lovely and warm and that I might need to pee but no it was just warm. On the morn I had indeed pissed the bed a bit. In a rather complicated attempted at a roose. Cuddled her in bed keeping her off the damp patch till later that day tried to cover it up with buying some spray on vanish stuff while shopping (no no I really just need it) then when she took the sheets off day after that claimed I'd that she'd spilt some juice and I just used the vanish (I had to hand bought the day before...) to cover it up.

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pissed myself on a few occasions. pissed myself whilst next to a bird I was seeing once, got up and just walked home. Just ignored her texts and calls for months until an awkward meeting one night.

 

pissed in the cupboard a few times and the washing basket.

 

worst ever was when I pissed in a cupboard in my ex birds friends hoose during my sleep and then ended up pissing on her as she tried to stop me.

 

its been a while since I've done it though.

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pissed myself on a few occasions. pissed myself whilst next to a bird I was seeing once, got up and just walked home. Just ignored her texts and calls for months until an awkward meeting one night.

 

pissed in the cupboard a few times and the washing basket.

 

worst ever was when I pissed in a cupboard in my ex birds friends hoose during my sleep and then ended up pissing on her as she tried to stop me.

 

its been a while since I've done it though.

 

 

:laughing: :laughing:

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pissed myself on a few occasions. pissed myself whilst next to a bird I was seeing once, got up and just walked home. Just ignored her texts and calls for months until an awkward meeting one night.

 

pissed in the cupboard a few times and the washing basket.

 

worst ever was when I pissed in a cupboard in my ex birds friends hoose during my sleep and then ended up pissing on her as she tried to stop me.

 

its been a while since I've done it though.

 

Reminds me of my mate,several years ago, who had a habit of sleep walking, one night he was wrecked, KO'd on his GF parents sofa, got up at silly o clock, went to his GF room, stripped naked and went for a piss, well he walked into her parents room and started pissing over GF mother and father as they slept.

 

Amazingly, They got married last month...

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Reminds me of my mate,several years ago, who had a habit of sleep walking, one night he was wrecked, KO'd on his GF parents sofa, got up at silly o clock, went to his GF room, stripped naked and went for a piss, well he walked into her parents room and started pissing over GF mother and father as they slept.

 

Amazingly, They got married last month...

 

Found it hard to breathe when reading that hysterical.gif

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Kind of had a funny turn/faint/seizure one day a couple of years ago and the whole body just decided, NO, SCREW THIS, LETS HAVE A RIOT.

 

Right in the middle of sex ed... never lived it down.

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Straight into Platinum for life, access to the lounge of shame whenever he wants.

 

Lounge of shame incidently is where members can lose there inhibitions and bowel control at leisure without snooty nosed non members assuming we're minkers.

:hysterical:

I shall inform him of his now A list stardom status.

He will be chuffed.....

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I've never done it myself but about a year ago I saw something astonishing. I was outside my house tidying the garden early one evening and suddenly a young bloke appeared, holding a clipboard and various pamphlets and he was a sales rep for a well-known windows and conservatories company (think mountains!). He started to ask if I was considering having my windows replaced, etc etc and then all of a sudden he stopped and just said "mate, please can I use your toilet". He had a look of real anguish on his face and it seemed to be a genuine emergency so I said yes and put down the tools I was working with and started to make my way to the front door, only to look back and see this lad still standing there and not following me.

 

I looked at him and ... oops ... his trouser-leg was rapidly darkening and there was a small puddle forming next to his shoe!!

 

He just stood there and pissed himself like a racehorse! Never seen anyone more embarrassed in my whole life. I asked him if he wanted to come in and clean up a bit but he declined, got on his mobile phone to someone and stood sheepishly at the garden gate for about 15 minutes until a car arrived to pick him up.

 

I guess these poor sods who do door-to-door selling must be at busting-point sometimes?

 

Anyway, at least I didn't have to make up some excuse to tell him I wasn't interested in his double-glazing!!

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I've never done it myself but about a year ago I saw something astonishing. I was outside my house tidying the garden early one evening and suddenly a young bloke appeared, holding a clipboard and various pamphlets and he was a sales rep for a well-known windows and conservatories company (think mountains!). He started to ask if I was considering having my windows replaced, etc etc and then all of a sudden he stopped and just said "mate, please can I use your toilet". He had a look of real anguish on his face and it seemed to be a genuine emergency so I said yes and put down the tools I was working with and started to make my way to the front door, only to look back and see this lad still standing there and not following me.

 

I looked at him and ... oops ... his trouser-leg was rapidly darkening and there was a small puddle forming next to his shoe!!

 

He just stood there and pissed himself like a racehorse! Never seen anyone more embarrassed in my whole life. I asked him if he wanted to come in and clean up a bit but he declined, got on his mobile phone to someone and stood sheepishly at the garden gate for about 15 minutes until a car arrived to pick him up.

 

I guess these poor sods who do door-to-door selling must be at busting-point sometimes?

 

Anyway, at least I didn't have to make up some excuse to tell him I wasn't interested in his double-glazing!!

:laughing: :laughing:

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Just heard a story about a guy who upon his first visit to his girlfriends parents, drank a few too many with her Da. Went to bed for a while, woke up an hour later went downstairs, had a rummage about for food... then realized he was in desperate need of a sh*te and smashed a hoorin' jobby into a biscuit tin. Shut the lid then just left it lying on the counter and went back to bed.

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Just heard a story about a guy who upon his first visit to his girlfriends parents, drank a few too many with her Da. Went to bed for a while, woke up an hour later went downstairs, had a rummage about for food... then realized he was in desperate need of a sh*te and smashed a hoorin' jobby into a biscuit tin. Shut the lid then just left it lying on the counter and went back to bed.

Even if it's not a true story still :hysterical:

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Of all the sh*t that gets spouted on here thats as tall a tale i've ever heard!

 

Ok, Ok, I'll tell you a wee story

 

A few years back I started working overseas in the desert and very remote locations. Now, as you can imagine there are no bathroom facilities to be found. So when in need you had to jump in your truck and head off into the desert to find a secluded spot to curl one up.

 

Anyway, being new to this experience I had thought nothing about what was required. I had to go so off i went looking for a pristine place to do the business.

 

Now, remember I was wearing a pair of short sleeved coveralls and rig boots.

 

So there I was hanging off the back of my truck nipping one off. Once finished I jumped off and headed back to the unit to continue working.

 

It wasn't until I got there that I realised there was a distinct "shitty Aroma" following me around. I headed out side and checked the soles of my boots but found nothing. even sniffed my fingers (had to use polka dot gloves for wiping) and there was no sign of Kak. so back i went to my unit where the Company man and my supervisor were sitting. I walked past them both and my super visor says " Hemmin fits at broon mark on your collar"

 

I left rather sharpish looking for soap and water

 

not sh*t my pants but sh*t on myself if you will

 

surley that qualifies

Edited by CrazyBullSheep

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Nearly opened my account for 2012 today. Was dying for a piss so headed for the bog at work. So frantically trying to undo the button in my breeks but somehow some thread had wrapped itself round the button and wouldn't budge.

I had reached an event horizon and there was nothing I could do but rip the fuck out if my trousers a nano second to late before my waters broke. So scullked back to my desk minus a button and smelling slightly of piss.

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Pished myself on plane from Amsterdam to Edinburgh. I'd been working on a rig off the coast of Italy for 3 weeks. Got off the rig and to Bologna airport at about 11am and my flight wasnt till 6pm so ended up making a total cunt of it, dont even remember boarding the flight, just woke up on the plane as we landed in Amsterdam. I then proceded to miss my flight to Aberdeen while sitting in the Irish bar at the entrance. I then somehow got myself on a flight to Edinburgh. Same thing as the previous flight. no recollection of getting on it, just waking up as we had landed and abdy is getting ready to get off the plane, this time though i was fucking bursting for a pish.

 

I attempted to wait till i got off but it was taking forever so i just stood in the middle of the plane and did a massive pish while fully clothed. I had my hand in my pocket grabbing my cock trying to snib it to stem the flow a bit but it didn't really do any good. Tried to dry my jeans in the toilet when i got off but it was no use, i was fucking soaked with pish :poster_oops:

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Pished myself on plane from Amsterdam to Edinburgh. I'd been working on a rig off the coast of Italy for 3 weeks. Got off the rig and to Bologna airport at about 11am and my flight wasnt till 6pm so ended up making a total cunt of it, dont even remember boarding the flight, just woke up on the plane as we landed in Amsterdam. I then proceded to miss my flight to Aberdeen while sitting in the Irish bar at the entrance. I then somehow got myself on a flight to Edinburgh. Same thing as the previous flight. no recollection of getting on it, just waking up as we had landed and abdy is getting ready to get off the plane, this time though i was fucking bursting for a pish.

 

I attempted to wait till i got off but it was taking forever so i just stood in the middle of the plane and did a massive pish while fully clothed. I had my hand in my pocket grabbing my cock trying to snib it to stem the flow a bit but it didn't really do any good. Tried to dry my jeans in the toilet when i got off but it was no use, i was fucking soaked with pish :poster_oops:

Gold membership should be in the post once chairman cheesepipes dots the I's and crosses the T's on your lounge of shame membership card.

 

Publicly pissing yourself is epic. Good work buddy ;)

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For some strange reason I have a tendency to shout at and pish on passing cars,whilst pished or oot ma face on various substances, especially when taken together.

I did on one occasion pish all over the mithers wall unit when all the family,inlaws included,where sitting doon to their Christmas dinner. :beer:

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Reminds me of my mate,several years ago, who had a habit of sleep walking, one night he was wrecked, KO'd on his GF parents sofa, got up at silly o clock, went to his GF room, stripped naked and went for a piss, well he walked into her parents room and started pissing over GF mother and father as they slept.

 

Amazingly, They got married last month...

Know a similar story. A Scouse bloke Tommy I knew years ago told this one:

He had just started seeing a lass - about two weeks in or something. Hadn't nailed her yet, she was the nice type that was waiting for the right moment. Anyway, she had an invite to a wedding and asked him if he wanted to go along as her +1. He said yes, but since it was quite far away he would drive. He also wanted to impress her as he had a new Triumph Dolomite (shows how long ago this was). He picks her up, all going well, goes to wedding, really nice - turning into a good day - she thinks he's ace - impressed with the car etc. Fast forward a few hours and they are at the reception. She is having a great time and wants to make a big night of it - he's wants to leave since he's got the car. She persuades him to leave the car - goes out to the payphone and calls her Mum & Dad and asks if it's alright that he stays the night. Gets the all clear. He then decides that he's playing catch up and starts necking pints with nips at extra double speed. I think he mentioned Special Brew was involved (it was the late 70s / early 80s so acceptable). Turns out he is guttered and has to get carried home to his new birds house. He woke up in the morning and thought things were a bit strange and there was a weird atmosphere. He was on a strange sofa for a start and he had been conscious of arguing going on for a while, most recently with a "You wake him up", "No, you wake him up" scenario. Anyway, the bird is really frosty and her old man doesn't say a word as he gives him a lift back to the car. He called her later on to see if she was ok - and she tells him. He'd started the night in her bedroom, she was expecting some action (first time they'd shared a bed). He fell asleep right away though, so nothing happened there. In the middle of the night the lassie woke up hearing her Mum screaming. Tommy had got up in the night to go to the toilet. Turned left, straight on then right like he would normally at his own gaff. What the old dear was screaming at was waking up to see her daughter's new boyfriend taking a dump in her wardrobe. Relationship ended there.

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