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Ever Pissed/Shit Yourself As A Grown Man/woman.

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Never pishrd or shat myself last night but seemingly before conking oot I had "How great thou art"on Youtube.

 

The Welsh Choir version for the nosey cunts.

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Im now an official member of 'Club Broon' aswell

 

 

Was coming hame fae toon steaming about a month ago. Stopped at the little kebab place on justice mill lane, its basically just a wee hole in the wall, enough room for about 2 folk inside it, d'ken whats its called. I think it was a spicy kebab burger i got fae there. Mind sitting in a doorway demolishing it then headed off up the road. Got about half way up my street when something didnt feel right in my guts and i kent i had to pick up the pace. Clenched erse cheeks and power walking didnt seem to deter whatever was trying to rapidly make its way out my arse.

 

Made it 2 doors down from my flat and massively shat myself

 

Was pretty unlucky that i got so close to making it but at the same time it was lucky i was just ootside my flat and nae the other side of toon. That would of been unlucky

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Almost sharted at Meijer the other night.

 

Never head out shopping without a list when you've an arse that sounds like a saxaphone.

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Pished myself last night. I only just remembered about it when i found my pishy clothes strewn across the bathroom! I was exceptionally drunk last night

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This thread is a hilarious read! I'd urge anyone, who hasn't already, to start from page 1 and read on....

 

:hysterical:

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Been meaning to post this for a couple of weeks. I had my second "experience" of someone else's misfortune recently.

 

I was in London covering the Trooping the Colour (not Trooping OF the Colour as I had drummed in to me numerous times) and I made my way out of the public areas, armed with all my gathered interviews, info, etc. As I was waiting to be let back into the press area another journo lad beckoned me over and said "have a look at that!" and nodded towards some parked-up police vehicles. There were a few cops milling about but right at the back of one the vans there was a young guy wearing one of those off-white disposable suits that you sometimes see prisoners dressed in shortly after they've been arrested. "What's he done?" I asked ... cue much amusement from my colleague.

 

Turns out that the lad was a copper who had apparently been on crowd control duty and his much-needed relief hadn't turned up in time with the result that he'd eventually pissed himself, in his pants, when I guess the waiting became unbearable for him.

 

What was really comical was that near the door to the van there was a pair of black boots and two black socks draped next to them!! That must have been one almighty slash he'd had!!

 

There are times when you wish that moral reporting restraints could be forgotten all about! (message boards not included)

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I didn't think journos had morals. Hey ho every day's a schoolday. Except Saturday.

Knew that one was coming...!

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I know of a guy who is banned for life from the Huntly branch of the AFC supporters club due to his defacating in a shoe box whilst on the bus and leaving in the luggage track above the heads, believe his name was Kenny Ledingham, anyway the best bit is there is another boy with the name ledingham sometimes comes on the bus usually to semi finals or finals (glory hunting cunt) and despite having no connection the the aforementioned offender the bus convener fucking hates him as is convinced he is related to the shoebox shitter.

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I know of a guy who is banned for life from the Huntly branch of the AFC supporters club due to his defacating in a shoe box whilst on the bus and leaving in the luggage track above the heads, believe his name was Kenny Ledingham, anyway the best bit is there is another boy with the name ledingham sometimes comes on the bus usually to semi finals or finals (glory hunting cunt) and despite having no connection the the aforementioned offender the bus convener fucking hates him as is convinced he is related to the shoebox shitter.

 

why did he have a shoe box with him on the bus?

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why did he have a shoe box with him on the bus?

 

Obviously he's a man who plans ahead.

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someone *plans* to shit in a box and leave it behind somewhere? :omg:

that's just vile.

 

If you think that's vile it's just as well I didn't tell you my initial theory as to why he had a shoe box with him.

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Lets hear it P.R. Keltoid.

 

Fair enough.

 

No-one walks around with an empty shoebox under their arm (unless they plan to fill it later, in this case with a shite), so it's reasonable to assume that when he boarded the bus there was already something in it.

 

Two things spring to mind.

 

Shoeboxes, if Oor Wullie is to be believed, are the traditional means of transporting pet mice, or hamsters or gerbils. The lad boarded the bus with his pet rodent, eager to bring wee Jeemie to his first fitba match. However, at some point in the journey, the lad was caught short and was forced to shite in the box containing the unfortunate vermin. The last thing the poor animal saw in this life was the box opening, a great, hairy arse hoving into view, and a torrent of hot feces ejecting straight at its terrified face from a gaping human anus.

 

Or, of course, the box he brought on board had been pre-shat into, and the plan... from the very beginning... was to deposit said shitbox on the coach all along.

 

The first scenario involves the untimely death of a harmless pet beneath a tsunami of steamy shite.

 

The second scenario involves the cold, calculated, premeditated depositing of a shoebox filled with shite on a supporters bus filled with fellow Dandies.

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that doesn't really make sense Kelt.

 

if the box were filled before he got on the bus, surely someone would have smelled something afoot before long.

 

and EB4Boss said the "man" shat into the box whilst on the bus. and no talk of a small animal running about thereafter was mentioned. (besides, would anyone really bring a pet rodent with them to a match?)

 

so he brought an empty shoe box with him. clearly to shit into the box while en route. either to leave it there, or to fling it on other patrons at the match perhaps.

 

altogether, vile. :ThumbsDown:

 

EDIT: and in answer to the OP, no.

Edited by looksgoodinred

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LGIR, I also wondered about the box's origins if he boarded the bus with the box then why was no one suspicious of that I have tried to get to the bottom (if you pardon the pun) of the incident but it is very much a taboo subject on the bus.

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that doesn't really make sense Kelt.

 

if the box were filled before he got on the bus, surely someone would have smelled something afoot before long.

 

Who can expect sense from the mind of a madman?

 

If the box had a tight enough lid, or if it were wrapped tightly in a polybag a'la the OF 'cerry oot', then it's feasible the stench could be concealed.

 

and EB4Boss said the "man" shat into the box whilst on the bus. and no talk of a small animal running about thereafter was mentioned. (besides, would anyone really bring a pet rodent with them to a match?)

 

I'm sure I've seen Oor Wullie watching United vs Rovers with Jeemie on his shoulder. And if the rodent were drowned/suffocated by a pile/splatter of shite (dependent upon consistency) it likely wouldn't be in any shape to scurry around.

 

 

so he brought an empty shoe box with him. clearly to shit into the box while en route. either to leave it there, or to fling it on other patrons at the match perhaps.

 

That's my favoured theory.

 

altogether, vile. :ThumbsDown:

 

Haven't we all done vile stuff in a bind?

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My wife and her pal had gone for a "girls night out." however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on wine and vodka

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. The wife had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After they completed their "business" they continued toward home.

The following day I was concerned that my wife was still in bed and hung over. So i phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:

"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"

Edited by caledonia

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My wife and her pal had gone for a "girls night out." however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on wine and vodka

 

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. The wife had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... so she proceeded to wipe with that.

 

After they completed their "business" they continued toward home.

 

The following day I was concerned that my wife was still in bed and hung over. So i phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"

 

"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:

 

"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!"

I just think your wife got pumped.

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Whilst staying in Aboyne on a weekend with the ex and my family me and my dad came back from pub and got tore into a bottle oh whiskey. After many nips and hours oh speaking plum i retired to my bed.

 

The room i was sleeping in with the ex was two single bed's which probably saved my blushes later on.....

 

On waking up in the morning the room

was reeking but I couldn't quite put my finger on what the smell was.. As I did the morning stretch and had a feel tae make sure ma root was still where it usually is, I came across an unusual lump in my drawers. I then deridingly opened my pants to find a log as big as as Barry Whites forearm neatly layn in ma skids.

 

With limited options as I could hear my Family cooking breakfast I thought i would leg it to the shower before my ex got up. Much to distress my ex got up and came over for a morning spoon. So in she came with me and Barry White. She passed comment that i was stinking oh shite I just smiled and said it was just the beer farts....

 

She finally got out of bed and went for breakfast. I then took my pants off opened the window and threw them into the woods. Went for shower and carried on with my day and no one ever knew i had shat myself, until now......

 

So if anyone is staying up in Aboyne at a cottage in the woods have a look in the bushes next to one oh the bedrooms and there should be a pair oh diesel drawers we a festered toldy in them...

 

Glad iv got that of ma chest......

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Whilst staying in Aboyne on a weekend with the ex and my family me and my dad came back from pub and got tore into a bottle oh whiskey. After many nips and hours oh speaking plum i retired to my bed.

 

The room i was sleeping in with the ex was two single bed's which probably saved my blushes later on.....

 

On waking up in the morning the room

was reeking but I couldn't quite put my finger on what the smell was.. As I did the morning stretch and had a feel tae make sure ma root was still where it usually is, I came across an unusual lump in my drawers. I then deridingly opened my pants to find a log as big as as Barry Whites forearm neatly layn in ma skids.

 

With limited options as I could hear my Family cooking breakfast I thought i would leg it to the shower before my ex got up. Much to distress my ex got up and came over for a morning spoon. So in she came with me and Barry White. She passed comment that i was stinking oh shite I just smiled and said it was just the beer farts....

 

She finally got out of bed and went for breakfast. I then took my pants off opened the window and threw them into the woods. Went for shower and carried on with my day and no one ever knew i had shat myself, until now......

 

So if anyone is staying up in Aboyne at a cottage in the woods have a look in the bushes next to one oh the bedrooms and there should be a pair oh diesel drawers we a festered toldy in them...

 

Glad iv got that of ma chest......

 

she hung around in your bed for longer than a split second? good lord. :hypno:

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I have never pished myself, I would never display such a lack of decorum. I have, however, publicly shat myself.

 

In my defence, I was at primary school and we had gone on a school trip. I am sure it was to Palacerigg Country Park (or similar). This would have been mid-80s. I think it was about lunchtime, and we were eating our packed lunches at picnic tables.

 

I recall innocently farting and then freezing in horror at realising I had followed-through to deposit what felt like several litres of warm, acidic, rancid, liquidy shite into my good "Transformers" pants, which I had on under my school trousers.

 

Fortunately there was a toilet nearby and I quickly hobbled over - that universal "tell-tale" walk of the person who has shit themselves - wincing every time the tops of my thighs slithered up and down against the quivering mound of shite in my pants. When I managed to get the pants off in the toilets, you should have seen the f*cking state of them, God on the cross.

 

Best of all, there was no toilet paper present, so - after having wrung out what shit I could from the pants, I then had to use the tattered, soiled pants to try to wipe off the splashing from my buttocks / thighs etc. Talk about degrading and I was obviously on a hiding-to-nothing in terms of trying to clean up.

 

I was such a goody-two-shoes as a kid that I would never have thought of just leaving the desecrated scants in the toilet for the cleaner to find - no, I had to dispose of them personally. This involved running as fast I could from the toilet, to the nearest litter bin, to deposit the pants in - before anyone could intercept me and enquire as to what I was doing / carrying.

 

Fortunately, I made it, but lived in fear for months of my mum asking when doing the washing, "Whatever happened to those good "Transformers" pants you had?". (She never did).

 

After going to such lengths to hide my shame at the time, now - in 2013 - I find that people openly get off on this stuff, on the internet. Go figure.

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