RAZOR Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Congratulations Tord. All the best to you and yours. MT, watch the whole thing. Best thing you'll ever watch. 1 Link to comment
Reed or deed Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Dont forget to post a pic of the cunt when its born so we can all tell you how ugly it is. 1 Link to comment
Old manny Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 My third and last one turned up nearly twenty eight years ago so my memories of the horrors of watching childbirth are fading. I seem to recall suggesting to the midwife that putting in a few extra stitches wouldn't be a bad idea, but for some reason it didn't go down too well with the missus and the nurses. Happy days. Link to comment
Henry Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Dont forget to post a pic of the cunt when its born so we can all tell you how ugly it is. I take it you're meaning the bairn here. 2 Link to comment
Old manny Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 The birth is no place for the man. Its very long winded. The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc. You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours. There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point. If only life was that simple. Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hoursWe were in to the second night with our first and the midwife suggested a half hour rest. Eh had just fallen asleep so when she came back again eh said "just 10 extra minutes please". Fuckin hell, that brought a thunderous look from the midwife and it gets used against me to this day by the wife Link to comment
DD1903 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Haha just hope it's gonna be a guy as from the scans and heartbeat think it's gonna be a big yin Bertha with size 12 feetA girl in my class at primary school had adult size 9 feet in primary 5 or 6. Massive She left after P6, so I have no idea just how big they reached Link to comment
vanderark14 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 The birth is no place for the man. Its very long winded. The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc. You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours. There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point. This "the man must be present for the birth" thing is quite a modern or american thing. None of my uncles, dad or grandads were there for the births of their kids. Most were in the pub or still at sea/offshore. There's no point us being in there, we only get in the way. When my sprog arrives I can just imagine myself getting hacked off with the over excited dads who film every moment. Link to comment
Poodler Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 The birth is no place for the man. Its very long winded. The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc. You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours. There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point.Haha, superb Is it rude to ask for a minge tidy up after a caesarean? Link to comment
Zeus Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 The birth is no place for the man.Its very long winded.The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc.You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours.There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point. 30 odd hours I'm never getting back. Wouldn't even give me a shotty of the gas. Link to comment
minijc Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 30 odd hours I'm never getting back. Wouldn't even give me a shotty of the gas.My mate took some of it on the sly, said it was ace. Link to comment
strachanmcgheegoal Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 The only thing that would make that better is after leaving the ladies to tidy up the minge, they keep her in for a couple more days recovery - allowing you and your mates to 'wet/sniff' the babies head.This happened to me. Doctor took me to one side and said he'd really like to keep an eye on her for at least 36 hours. Boy hadn't finished the sentence and the tee time was booked, curry sorted, baby's heid wetting session organised. Quick chat to the wife - you're in the best place, get some rest, you deserve it etc etc, oot the door and tra la fucking la.. Seriously considered getting her induced for the next one so it tied in with a home game! Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 As natural as it is, it's still fairly bizarre watching a human emerging from your lady's chuff-chuff.When tup goes down on a lady does it look like a breech birth? 3 Link to comment
mcdougall(4) Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 When tup goes down on a lady does it look like a breech birth???? Link to comment
RAZOR Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 30 odd hours I'm never getting back. Wouldn't even give me a shotty of the gas. Your nae meant to ask ffs. Fairly sure the only reason folk have bairns in Aberdeen is to sample the delights from the chinky across the road from the matty. 1 1 Link to comment
Poodler Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 When tup goes down on a lady does it look like a breech birth? Hahaha Link to comment
ebbe Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Your nae meant to ask ffs. Fairly sure the only reason folk have bairns in Aberdeen is to sample the delights from the chinky across the road from the matty.Worst Chinese I’ve ever had in Aberdeen, the Ruby. Gave it the benefit of the doubt once more and it was worse. Putrid shite. 2 Link to comment
cruzcampo3 Posted November 13, 2017 Share Posted November 13, 2017 Your nae meant to ask ffs. Fairly sure the only reason folk have bairns in Aberdeen is to sample the delights from the chinky across the road from the matty. Worst Chinese I’ve ever had in Aberdeen, the Ruby. Gave it the benefit of the doubt once more and it was worse. Putrid shite.Went there last year after the loon was born. Use to be regular growing up there so thought be ok. Worst Chinese I have ever had. Thought my sweet chilli chicken was in a light sauce when tasted it was oil. Jumbo is Chinese of choice in that area Link to comment
RAZOR Posted November 14, 2017 Share Posted November 14, 2017 Worst Chinese I’ve ever had in Aberdeen, the Ruby. Gave it the benefit of the doubt once more and it was worse. Putrid shite. Very unlike you to be so pessimistic. Link to comment
Reed or deed Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 HahaI don't care what anyone says, surely EVERYONE wants a boy?EVERY bairn wants a dad like you. Link to comment
Reed or deed Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Gender scan today.. .It's a...BOYWOOHOOAye but was that for yer bairn or yer wife? Link to comment
Guest milne_afc Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Gender scan today.. . It's a... BOY WOOHOOWhat if your child decides otherwise? Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Prefer women myself.Gemma Atkinson, aye? Link to comment
ebbe Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Very unlike you to be so pessimistic.Go fuck yourself. Also very negative. 1 Link to comment
mcdougall(4) Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Haha I don't care what anyone says, surely EVERYONE wants a boy?@police Link to comment
mcdougall(4) Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Prefer women myself.And once they meet you they prefer women too Link to comment
rumpus Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 Haha I don't care what anyone says, surely EVERYONE wants a boy? Agree wholeheatedly. After 2x girls of mine and one of hers, I was basely bias when the grandson came along. he already has Adidas sambas, made to measure. and the best of cool clobber. He will want for nothing. Link to comment
rumpus Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 ^ Aye. Good on ya big guy, hope all goes well... Link to comment
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