Do You Have Kids/ Would You Recommend Having Kids?

[YorkDon]

Only have kids if you feel you can educate them and make them productive members of society.

 

The world has too many minks and wasters already... don't fucking add to it.

My ex had an idea for couples that couldn’t have kids.

Quit your jobs,start wearing tracksuit bottoms,start smoking,and watching Jeremy Kyle,cos those fuckers seem to be able to breed like fucking rabbits!

[Poodler]

Or become an Arab

[BrianFaePerth]

Or become an Arab

It's not helped AK, but then receiving rather than giving might be part of that.

[Poodler]

Wahey!!

[Betty Swallicks]

Too much mumsnet shite from new Dads these days.

 

I have 2 loons, both working, both in decent jobs, both (imo) decent lads.

 

Nae fannying aboot but at the same time try and guide them best you can, do proper old fashioned father/son stuff (fitba, fishing etc) and hope for the best.

 

 

All in all I'd say have kids if you want and can afford the time, effort and costs involved but don't be pressurised into it by any female or holy joe clydesdaleneep type.

[Ke1t]

Lengthy rant incoming... 

 

Idiocracy nailed the problem in the first couple of minutes. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwZ0ZUy7P3E

 

I wanted exactly zero kids. I figured I could probably afford a couple, but kids just annoy the fuck out of me, and my parental instincts were about nil. I reckoned it wouldn't be fair to a kid to have me as a father. I mean, I wouldn't be a dick to any kid I had, I wasn't going to batter it or neglect it, but kids deserve 100% of a parent's love and attention. My complete lack of paternal feelings seemed to preclude me from any notion of bringing another human being into the world. I've seen too many parents who are just out and out arseholes to their children, and it raises my fucking hackles.  If kids bother you to the point that you're a cunt to your own children then maybe you should have put some thought into blowing your fucking load in some chick. You fucking prick.

 

The only things that persuaded me to have one kid (and no more than one) is that the wife wanted a kid, I knew she would make a brilliant mother, and she was more than willing to have a game plan ahead of time rather than just 'Hey, let's shit out a kid with no plan for its future!' More often than not 'Let's shit out a bunch of kids' IS the game plan for people. 

 

The very basics you should be planning for are, 

 

1. Start a financial portfolio for your kid (every kid... even if you have 10 kids)  so that when he or she or they hit majority they have money of their own and an understanding of how finances work. 

 

2. Teach your kid how to think. School WILL NOT teach your kid how to think. Knowing the answer to "What's the capital of Germany" is not critical thinking. Philosophy and the structure of argument should be a major focus. Good luck if you plan on leaving your kid's brain in the hands of underpaid, apathetic state school teachers using a curriculum that's designed to pull the smartest kids back to the level of the slowest kids. 

 

3. Teach your kid to fight. Send them to martial arts, even if all it does it give them the confidence to swing a punch. You can't roll up to school and batter some kid who's bullying your kid, so he needs to be able to do that himself. Make your kid a bloody-minded little fucker who takes serious exception to bullies, and give him the tools to do something about it. Multiple martial arts like Karate, Boxing, and Jiu Jitsu will give them an understanding of how fighting works beyond just swinging wild haymakers into fresh air. 

 

4. Always have time for your kid. Never reject a request for help with something, always answer their questions as best you can, and take your kid to the places they want to go. The worst thing I can imagine happening is your kid no longer engaging with you because you've knocked them back so many times that they know the answer will be no before they even ask. 

 

5. Teach them that All Cops Are Bastards. Not a joke. Teach them that authority should be questioned, and that authority figures rarely have your best interests at heart. Explain to them that rules are there to be broken when they need to be. Case in point the idiotic fucking 'Shelter In Place' rule when some maniac turns up at their school with an assault rifle. "Hide under your desk, kids" is the policy at most schools... also known as 'Wait Your Turn To be Shot'. We've told our kid to put a chair through a window and get the fuck out of there if he hears gunshots. Leave the 'Shelter In Place' kids to wait their turn for termination, meanwhile our loon will be legging it in the opposite direction post haste. 

 

If, however,  you're shitting out multiple sprogs because you just like blowing loads into birds, or because 'Jesus', then you're not helping the planet, yourself, or society as a whole.

 

Cut your fucking balls off. 

[NEM]

So sterilize 99% of Africa?

 

 

Would do wonders for the environment but somehow can't see the Greens buying it

[Ke1t]

So sterilize 99% of Africa?

 

99% of the planet. 

 

The fewer cunts the better. 

[Sonoftherock]

Lengthy rant incoming...

 

Idiocracy nailed the problem in the first couple of minutes.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwZ0ZUy7P3E

 

I wanted exactly zero kids. I figured I could probably afford a couple, but kids just annoy the fuck out of me, and my parental instincts were about nil. I reckoned it wouldn't be fair to a kid to have me as a father. I mean, I wouldn't be a dick to any kid I had, I wasn't going to batter it or neglect it, but kids deserve 100% of a parent's love and attention. My complete lack of paternal feelings seemed to preclude me from any notion of bringing another human being into the world. I've seen too many parents who are just out and out arseholes to their children, and it raises my fucking hackles. If kids bother you to the point that you're a cunt to your own children then maybe you should have put some thought into blowing your fucking load in some chick. You fucking prick.

 

The only things that persuaded me to have one kid (and no more than one) is that the wife wanted a kid, I knew she would make a brilliant mother, and she was more than willing to have a game plan ahead of time rather than just 'Hey, let's shit out a kid with no plan for its future!' More often than not 'Let's shit out a bunch of kids' IS the game plan for people.

 

The very basics you should be planning for are,

 

1. Start a financial portfolio for your kid (every kid... even if you have 10 kids) so that when he or she or they hit majority they have money of their own and an understanding of how finances work.

 

2. Teach your kid how to think. School WILL NOT teach your kid how to think. Knowing the answer to "What's the capital of Germany" is not critical thinking. Philosophy and the structure of argument should be a major focus. Good luck if you plan on leaving your kid's brain in the hands of underpaid, apathetic state school teachers using a curriculum that's designed to pull the smartest kids back to the level of the slowest kids.

 

3. Teach your kid to fight. Send them to martial arts, even if all it does it give them the confidence to swing a punch. You can't roll up to school and batter some kid who's bullying your kid, so he needs to be able to do that himself. Make your kid a bloody-minded little fucker who takes serious exception to bullies, and give him the tools to do something about it. Multiple martial arts like Karate, Boxing, and Jiu Jitsu will give them an understanding of how fighting works beyond just swinging wild haymakers into fresh air.

 

4. Always have time for your kid. Never reject a request for help with something, always answer their questions as best you can, and take your kid to the places they want to go. The worst thing I can imagine happening is your kid no longer engaging with you because you've knocked them back so many times that they know the answer will be no before they even ask.

 

5. Teach them that All Cops Are Bastards. Not a joke. Teach them that authority should be questioned, and that authority figures rarely have your best interests at heart. Explain to them that rules are there to be broken when they need to be. Case in point the idiotic fucking 'Shelter In Place' rule when some maniac turns up at their school with an assault rifle. "Hide under your desk, kids" is the policy at most schools... also known as 'Wait Your Turn To be Shot'. We've told our kid to put a chair through a window and get the fuck out of there if he hears gunshots. Leave the 'Shelter In Place' kids to wait their turn for termination, meanwhile our loon will be legging it in the opposite direction post haste.

 

If, however, you're shitting out multiple sprogs because you just like blowing loads into birds, or because 'Jesus', then you're not helping the planet, yourself, or society as a whole.

 

Cut your fucking balls off.

 

Brilliant Ke1t!

 

Not sure whether to laugh or applaud!

[Poodler]

What is a financial portfolio?

[Ke1t]

When you're on the toe curling stroke of a boozy bareback nobody gives a fuck about training the next Jon Bones Jones to jump out the window slashing himself to smitherins everytime someone sets off a firework.

 

Just a ride, ken.

 

Accidents happen. 

 

But when they do you send her to the doctor and have him rip that fucking fetus out of her.

 

Failing that, get a coat hanger and some cheap whisky and smash at her fud until you've perfected home abortions. 

 

And if she refuses then you kick her down a set of stairs. 

 

Fix your mistakes. 

 

Or cut your fucking balls off.  

[Clydeside_Sheep]

Overpopulation will be the worlds biggest problem in the future.

As the earth and its resources are finite, there is obviously some sensible limit to the population it can sustain.

 

However, we are nowhere near such a level at present.

 

Problems we have currently are more to do with how we live - for example something like 30 - 50 % of global food production goes to waste.

 

The west in particular consumes and wastes far more than its fair share.

 

we need less arseholes on the planet not more.

Careful, you are painting a target on your own back there

[Ke1t]

Modern extreme parenting at its upmost.

 

I will guarantee no-one on here had an up bringing like that.

 

I was out doing my own thing with my pals, couldn't be assed coming in for All cops are bastards lessons and only the geeks went to karate.

 

Has fuck all to do with modern parenting and everything to do with producing offspring that can look after themselves.

 

Disagree with my methods if you want, but I'll be fucked if I leave my kid's future to chance.

[Ke1t]

Everything is to chance.

 

Just more or less chance.

 

That's a fair point, but the more we mitigate chance the better. 

[Fridge]

What is a financial portfolio?

Not sure if you are asking seriously or implying you don’t have one, but if serious it is a makeup of stocks and shares, property, cash etc A finance consultant will construct one for you based on how much risk you want to put into it and the hope is it will make money. You diversify where you put your cash so that if a sector goes tits hopefully it is offset by making cash elsewhere.

[1903Fitba]

Finance consultant

[Fridge]

Correct total cocks. Good if they make you cash though. Outrageous pish they come away with, last meeting I had they wanted me to put money into prosthetic limbs production as it is an ageing population. Fuck off. Like there I’m going to make a fortune off fake hips.

[Poodler]

Not sure if you are asking seriously or implying you don’t have one, but if serious it is a makeup of stocks and shares, property, cash etc A finance consultant will construct one for you based on how much risk you want to put into it and the hope is it will make money. You diversify where you put your cash so that if a sector goes tits hopefully it is offset by making cash elsewhere.

I appreciate your time explaining.

 

I don't have one of those. But I do alright and I'm happy.

[Studebaker-90]

What are the consequences of hitting children now a days. Dinna mean chinning them but a clip round the lug or a skelped arse? I’d imagine most parents are too scared to do anything hence the rising number of little cunts being raised.

[manboobs109]

Lengthy rant incoming...

 

Idiocracy nailed the problem in the first couple of minutes.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwZ0ZUy7P3E

 

I wanted exactly zero kids. I figured I could probably afford a couple, but kids just annoy the fuck out of me, and my parental instincts were about nil. I reckoned it wouldn't be fair to a kid to have me as a father. I mean, I wouldn't be a dick to any kid I had, I wasn't going to batter it or neglect it, but kids deserve 100% of a parent's love and attention. My complete lack of paternal feelings seemed to preclude me from any notion of bringing another human being into the world. I've seen too many parents who are just out and out arseholes to their children, and it raises my fucking hackles. If kids bother you to the point that you're a cunt to your own children then maybe you should have put some thought into blowing your fucking load in some chick. You fucking prick.

 

The only things that persuaded me to have one kid (and no more than one) is that the wife wanted a kid, I knew she would make a brilliant mother, and she was more than willing to have a game plan ahead of time rather than just 'Hey, let's shit out a kid with no plan for its future!' More often than not 'Let's shit out a bunch of kids' IS the game plan for people.

 

The very basics you should be planning for are,

 

1. Start a financial portfolio for your kid (every kid... even if you have 10 kids) so that when he or she or they hit majority they have money of their own and an understanding of how finances work.

 

2. Teach your kid how to think. School WILL NOT teach your kid how to think. Knowing the answer to "What's the capital of Germany" is not critical thinking. Philosophy and the structure of argument should be a major focus. Good luck if you plan on leaving your kid's brain in the hands of underpaid, apathetic state school teachers using a curriculum that's designed to pull the smartest kids back to the level of the slowest kids.

 

3. Teach your kid to fight. Send them to martial arts, even if all it does it give them the confidence to swing a punch. You can't roll up to school and batter some kid who's bullying your kid, so he needs to be able to do that himself. Make your kid a bloody-minded little fucker who takes serious exception to bullies, and give him the tools to do something about it. Multiple martial arts like Karate, Boxing, and Jiu Jitsu will give them an understanding of how fighting works beyond just swinging wild haymakers into fresh air.

 

4. Always have time for your kid. Never reject a request for help with something, always answer their questions as best you can, and take your kid to the places they want to go. The worst thing I can imagine happening is your kid no longer engaging with you because you've knocked them back so many times that they know the answer will be no before they even ask.

 

5. Teach them that All Cops Are Bastards. Not a joke. Teach them that authority should be questioned, and that authority figures rarely have your best interests at heart. Explain to them that rules are there to be broken when they need to be. Case in point the idiotic fucking 'Shelter In Place' rule when some maniac turns up at their school with an assault rifle. "Hide under your desk, kids" is the policy at most schools... also known as 'Wait Your Turn To be Shot'. We've told our kid to put a chair through a window and get the fuck out of there if he hears gunshots. Leave the 'Shelter In Place' kids to wait their turn for termination, meanwhile our loon will be legging it in the opposite direction post haste.

 

If, however, you're shitting out multiple sprogs because you just like blowing loads into birds, or because 'Jesus', then you're not helping the planet, yourself, or society as a whole.

 

Cut your fucking balls off.

You might be over complicating things slightly there.

[Guest milne_afc]

Why were you banned, Cavey?

[Poodler]

Can't be for abuse, MT is dishing it out daily and Ozzy wimp SOTR refuses to act

[Guest milne_afc]

Wasn’t banned just otherwise occupied

OK, picked up that earlier grassing comment wrongly.

Should see what that manboobs cunt's been saying in your absence.

[manboobs109]

Me and Cavey are golden now boys. A new found respect has been earned by the Cavemeister General.

[Fridge]

It is a strange one, if anyone knows him might be worth a text/ email to see if he is alright. Unless he actually is in jail (hopefully for killing a Hun) strange that he would completely disappear.

[Fridge]

Maybe lumped his mortgage on one of your trebles and is evading police and gang lords?

[The Boofon]

He has properly vanished - have heard not a peep from him in almost 2 months.

 

Taking life seriously all of a sudden the wee prick

 

 

Good. Shame you haven't fucked off with him.

[alscotoz]

Good. Shame you haven't fucked off with him.

 

Being contrary? Unusual on this site.

[Redforever86]

I like Hans but if he’s been murdered, it’s not the end of the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Probably never made it further than Dad’s basement.

[The Boofon]

Being contrary? Unusual on this site.

 

 

Haha. Not at all. I like Sooper Hanz. He did well taking my advice to fuck off until he gets his material sorted. It wasn't three months worth of leave bad however so he should have appeared back by now.

 

Dad can get fucked.