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Telly Programmes That Haven't Been Made Yet


amancalledbuck

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Come mine with me. A controversial documentary which introduces children in developing countries to the blood diamond trade

Come Line with me.

 

Undercover cops infiltrate a Hat day out looking for class A narcotics and while there uncover that almost everyone is an unhinged deviant. Everyone gets charged apart from Boof who hides in a cupboard and Bluts who has fucked off to his bed at teatime.

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Can’t claim this one as my own but remember it from a Roger Mellie strip in the Viz.

 

Instead of Jukebox Jury*, Dirtbox Jury, where a panel of celebrities are shown close ups of celebrities arseholes and have to guess who it is.

 

*Thought it worth explaining it was jukebox jury the programme I was referencing because i’m too young to really remember it so doubt the younger crowd here would know what the fuck I meant!

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Exocet Shephard

 

Contestants have to give 10 correct answers in 3 seconds to 10 questions on subjects they have absolutely no knowledge on to save faggot presenter Ben Shephard from being launched out of a torpedo tube into a heavily populated area.

If in the highly un-lightly event that a contestant miraculously gets them all right in the 3 seconds then we move into the first round proper where cackpipe cosmonaut Shephard has to disarm a 15 megaton nuclear device situated adjacent to one of Londons largest Gay bars with his hands tied behind his back.

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Hunhouse

Teams of Huns with a mental age of 6 get thrown into a soft play area hosted by Pat Sharpe.

Then turns into the Running man and they all get slaughtered to death.

House of Tards

Teams of Huns with a mental age of six get to run the Whitehouse

Then turns into Predator and they all get slaughtered to death, except Dutch, who gets to the choppa

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