DD1903 Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 That's parenting of the highest order there. The mrs and I were shopping a couple of weeks ago and heard this top bit of parenting in the car park 'chelsea, will you shut the fuck up. You're no getting a fucking lolly. you are doing my fucking heid in.' Chelsea was maybe 5. The gent, resplendent in his sevco away 'tap', then turned to his good lady and stated, 'I'm gonnae batter this wee cunt if you don't get her to shut the fuck up.' Truly, truly sad. Link to comment
fine-n-dandy Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Anyone that calls their kid Chelsea if obviously a fkn moron & it comes as no surprise that they are huns Link to comment
dervish Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 When having my appearance called into question my riposte was "must be fucking bad if I'm get shit off a cunt that looks like hes been dooking for apples in a chip pan". Link to comment
Jigot Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 not really an insult more of a veiled threat I heard in Bathgate the other day. "oi connor ye wee cunt, come here or your no getting a go of that fuckin gta 5" connor ran back to his mum at the bus stop.Faakin' 'ell, fucking Bathgate. For me West Lothian comprises of some of the most dreariest, most miserable places I have ever passed through and Bathgate takes the biscuit. Their battlecry was " C'mon well" what in the name of fuck does that even mean never mind supposed to inspire? I can picture the mither, sporting a size 22 black shell suite, daintely trotting about in 6" + heels and with her greasy hair pulled back in a pony tail that tight, her bloated, battle scarred face is strained to the limit and on the on the verge of tearing itself in two. Crossways.* *jigot would like to stress that he has never, carried out the act of sex, nor given nor received any sexual gratification of any description whatsoever, from a female, similarly described in overly graphic detail above. ** After sifting through his darkest secrets, which meant reliving some of his most horrendous experiences, sexual and otherwise, he can happily and proudly confirm his previous dogdancing denial. He would also like to add that although it was close, there's nae cigar, buried high to the hilt in blurt or any other orifice. Link to comment
granite sheep Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 *Granite Sheep would like to remark that he just escaped Froghall 5 hours ago and is scarred from the experience. Although on the bright side, for a crackhead, the bird he pulled in Priory last night was a magic fuck. Link to comment
ericblack4boss Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 shut the fuck up you fucking shithouses, once told a clatty bitch she had a fanny like a ripped out fireplace, also once had a pal who told a quine, whilst couping here to stick a neep up her arse to take up the slack. my two favourites- shithouse and cunt. Link to comment
granite sheep Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 My personal favourites: Fungal RimjobCunt-bubbleMaggot infested diseased festering shitehouse.....Ach, shitehouse and cunt usually works best... Link to comment
reekie_dock Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 Your a fucking detestable cunt!!!!! Is the the greatest insult in my opinion.... Link to comment
granite sheep Posted November 17, 2013 Author Share Posted November 17, 2013 Aye, but as my OP stated, nothing like getting in a cunt's face and yelling "SUCK THE TEARS OFF MY DICK YOU FUNGAL RIMJOB" can beat most stuff. Although I did pull a bird in Korova that did state, "Nae ony o that anal or I will kill your cock" It has to be stated, that I found a videogame called Bulletstorm last year. Not only is it cheap, and one of the most creatively thinking shooters out there, but the campaign is more or less an object lesson on how to swear in ever evolving amazing ways. To think that the Polish developers didn't actually realise that most western audiences would be shocked by the sheer profanity of the game's script inaa...... Link to comment
Jigot Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 *Granite Sheep would like to remark that he just escaped Froghall 5 hours ago and is scarred from the experience. Although on the bright side, for a crackhead, the bird he pulled in Priory last night was a magic fuck.Has she got a neeber,neebs? Ah'm no lookin' oot fer a fuckin Miss World or the likes,ffs. Just some hoor I can maybe console in and perhaps be more intimate later oan,who kens? Fae the waddlin' chubster tae the crackheid wi' fingerzlike fuckin Nik-Naks Ah'm no really bothered. I have a wide range of tastes when it comes to trollips the fairer sex and no fussy at all. I do lookout for only 2 things ho.1.They mustn't be Sub-Saharian. My Uncle (RIP Uncle Jim), who was wise in so many,many ways once shared with me the secret that white wimmen smell like fish and that goupin' gash that come fae beyond "The Great Sea of The Fidgeting Sand That Forever Moveth" do indeed smell like steak pie going bad. Now I love my steak pie and I'm not prepared to take the chance of being put off my pie for life for a fly sniff or two of a tabooed twat, besides how big can the lips of it be? It must look like a pile of 2 basins on it's side. I know for sure that Ah would be scarred for life (mentally) if Ah were to even imagine what a "Hamburger Shot"of one would be like. 2.Hoosework,aye, it may be trivial to some but to me a hoose that is kept in a spick n span condition tells me that Ah'm truly on the right road to heaven and that her that begot mine humble abode brawest it's been since the Mrs fucked off for nae reason besides suffering from the "Uncaring,self-centered and where the fuck is my savings and the xmas club book for Burns the butchers you mooing fuckpig"affliction.They must pass the stringent hoosework test Ah intend to put them through and believe you me,that, the piles of dishes and washing are getting bigger thon test is getting harder.Daily to be honest you. 3.I like my egg yolks runnin doon ma jumper and if Ah ever see even a hint of ketchup in the near proximity of any egg o mine,so help me,the lubed up whisk and the rape tape will be back oot.It's pointless having standards and no reaching them. 4.They must bring their ain supply o powders,detergents and other cleaning agents that Ah huvnae got a clue about or got round to buying got round tae mention as Ah intend to integrate my test on hoosehusbandry with a no-notice, oot the blue, Ah've filled ma nappy-esque, test on their storage,stocktaking and thriftness.Nae cunt will spunk ma dosh williefuckin-nillie on any" It's shit and Ah dinnae need it but fuck it it's gettin' boat" extravaganza ever again,they'll have tae prize the debit caird fae my cauld deid fingerz and the PIN will hae gone wi me. Link to comment
tightbreeks Posted November 17, 2013 Share Posted November 17, 2013 once you drive into the badlands of west Lothian, it reminds you of a land that time forgot. a real life wild west. Link to comment
beef_sister Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I hope you fucking die you piece of shit. Link to comment
beef_sister Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Na, I would kick your loose titties all over the shop no danger. Chipper tits! Link to comment
beef_sister Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 once told a clatty bitch she had a fanny like a ripped out fireplace, No you never you fucking liar. Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 once told a clatty bitch she had a fanny like a ripped out fireplace,Sir Alex? Link to comment
ericblack4boss Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 No you never you fucking liar.fuck you , you shithouse. Link to comment
beef_sister Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick Link to comment
REDRUM Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I know you are, but what am I?.... Repeat Unbeatable Link to comment
360 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I know you are, but what am I?.... Repeat Link to comment
Dynamo Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 I called Dynamo a hun last week. I was offended by this. Link to comment
Foster14 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 I don't like you all that much. Link to comment
tightbreeks Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 your just a pointless cunt, if you fucked off it, it wouldnae make a difference to nae cunt. not directed at any fellow hatters... Link to comment
tommo1903 Posted November 19, 2013 Share Posted November 19, 2013 Although I did pull a bird in Korova that did state, "Nae ony o that anal or I will kill your cock" A poster on here tried to whore his sister out to me in Korova on Saturday night. Link to comment
Ke1t Posted November 20, 2013 Share Posted November 20, 2013 I'm of the mind that swearies should merely be used as emphasis, and not as the salient thrust of the insult. So, instead of simply saying, "You fucking cunt", you would say, "I'm surprised that you love nature so much, considering what it did to you.... you fucking cunt." This has the cleverness of Wilde, but is coupled with the intimidatory threat of the common guttersnipe, meaning the recipient of said insult is probably going to think twice about launching himself at you for your fucking cheek. I was watching Bottom earlier tonight, and I noticed there are some handy debating techniques hidden within the subtext of the storyline. Link to comment
manboobs109 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 "Dutch Kitchen Porter"Is that a Brewdog one? Link to comment
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