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Life's Curiosities


Foster14

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If it’s walks your on about. Put me on a pavement with someone doing the kelt thing - the whole purposeful stride malarkey. Ex military are the best, you can spot them straight off by the synchronised straight arm swing. Then, simply make it your mission to ‘walk’ faster than they do.

 

Fucked if they’re making it to markies door quicker than me. And you can tell by the way they speed up how much it pisses them off.

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The resolution for the new year. The amendment to one's life that is so important, it can wait from the original inception of the idea until the arbitrary date of commencement.

 

I'd like to give up this as it is so important for my physical/mental wellbeing but it's the 13th December. I'll hold that back to the new year. Tell plenty folk about it in advance and then provide regular updates thereafter. Until an extended period of quietness where you are anxious about the possibility that people realised it was a load of shit. No one ever gave a fuck though, if it mattered youd start as soon as you thought of it.

 

New year's resolutions. Peculiar behaviour.

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The resolution for the new year. The amendment to one's life that is so important, it can wait from the original inception of the idea until the arbitrary date of commencement.

 

I'd like to give up this as it is so important for my physical/mental wellbeing but it's the 13th December. I'll hold that back to the new year. Tell plenty folk about it in advance and then provide regular updates thereafter. Until an extended period of quietness where you are anxious about the possibility that people realised it was a load of shit. No one ever gave a fuck though, if it mattered youd start as soon as you thought of it.

 

New year's resolutions. Peculiar behaviour.

New year, new you. Nothing strange about it at all. It's about transitions and aspirations. Above all it's about regeneration baby.

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I know you're not supposed to end sentences for folk who have a stutter but I've just not got the patience to stand all day waiting for them to finish. Goes back to a cinema outing many a year back when I got a coke and popcorn and asked how much. He started off with the f-f-f-f-f so I looked up at the board and - i kid you not - £5.55. Just said, fuck sake there's £6, keep the change and moved off.

 

On the charity thing mentioned above, I totally agree. Most of the cash taken up by salaries for rich cunts and other "admin costs". Give direct to the source or keep it in your pocket.

 

My major mindfuck though is the whole theology thing. I don't believe in any god type character but if 'a god' didn't create the universe then who the fuck did? If god has always been there and he did create everything then where the fuck was he before he created it? Does my head in all that.

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I know you're not supposed to end sentences for folk who have a stutter but I've just not got the patience to stand all day waiting for them to finish. Goes back to a cinema outing many a year back when I got a coke and popcorn and asked how much. He started off with the f-f-f-f-f so I looked up at the board and - i kid you not - £5.55. Just said, fuck sake there's £6, keep the change and moved off.

 

On the charity thing mentioned above, I totally agree. Most of the cash taken up by salaries for rich cunts and other "admin costs". Give direct to the source or keep it in your pocket.

 

My major mindfuck though is the whole theology thing. I don't believe in any god type character but if 'a god' didn't create the universe then who the fuck did? If god has always been there and he did create everything then where the fuck was he before he created it? Does my head in all that.

 

A man with a stutter is visiting the doctors. "d-d-doctor I c-c-can't stop s-s-stutering". Well, says the doctor "let me give you a check over". After giving the man the once over the doctor arrives at a conclusion."the problem is quite simple, you have a 14 inch penis and the sheer weight of it is pulling your voicebox down and thus causing you to stutter. Don't worry though, we can give you a transplant immediately and get you a more normal sized penis." So they do the surgery and all goes as planned. Two weeks later the man comes in for his check up. "it's amazing doctor, as soon as I woke up my stutter had completely vanished but I'm afraid I have a problem. My wife can't have an orgasm any more when we have sex and she wants me to get the old penis back, would that be possible?" and the doctor replies,

" F-f-f-f-f-f f-f fuck off"

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