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#1 OFFLINE   robbo

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 09:11 PM

im sure anyone with dogs will feel my pain so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

my mate has had to leave me his 2 dogs which hes away for 2 weeks. were just over half way now and i cant take anymore. it wouldnt be so bad but my brain keeps focusing on 1 point in particular...the bitch is the daughter of the dog and hes constantly allover her.

he warned me she was going to come into heat soon (...and by soon, that d*ck clearly meant tomorrow). He left these cloth pants for her to wear to prevent her getting pregnant but im not convinced. Ive spent the whole week shouting at the pair of them to knock it off but today i had enough. Ive left my faith in these pants and let them try their best to satisfy their desires.

The only funny part really is shes marginally taller than he is so he can just about mount her...but he cant actually do the deed, so hes just humping air which amuses the hell out of me. After about 40 mins of huffing and puffing in the kitchen, they come through. Shes still bouncing about trying to get more out of him (she keeps mounting him face first, dirty girl) but all he wants to do just now is sleep it off.

while this is funny just now, i just know that when they both wake up im for it again. id just leave them to sleep down here but i tried that and as it turns out, these are the worst behaved dogs possible. They are only used to the very best - cooked chickens from tesco, bottled water and sleeping in their owners bed. I didnt want them in my bed so made a bed for them downstairs and closed my door. Next morning i find about 7 tonne of sh*te and piss everywhere.

As a result of that, i dont particularly want that scenario happening again so they now sleep at the foot of my bed. However, the mood these 2 have been in all day, dont think they will want to do a great deal of sleeping tonight...

anybody know anyway i can get any sleep tonight that wont get me in trouble with the RSPCA???
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Fallons goal was a fluke, could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to do it more than 5.

Darren Mackie could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to hit the ball more than 5...

If you're joining a gym or a health club I'd give it a week... All the fucking no hopers have started this week clogging up your workout whilst hogging the machines you want to use... The pool I go to was fucking hoaching with fucking water treaders in the fast lane today - fuck off with your breast stroke in the fast lane, and you fucking old wifies having a wee chat in the medium lane... Get Tae.... You want to have a gas, stick your head in an oven...


#2 OFFLINE   Slim

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 09:34 PM

You put pants on a dog? Are you mad?
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#3 OFFLINE   NorthernLights24

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 09:56 PM

Wales, even the dogs are inbreeding :laughing:
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#4 OFFLINE   robbo

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 10:31 PM

Wales, even the dogs are inbreeding :checkit:


:laughing: valid point. i like where your heads at

You put pants on a dog? Are you mad?


when i 1st saw them i thought they were stupid but by god are they wonderful things if you have this situation where you have a dog and a bitch and cant watch them like a hawk all day. makes life that bit easier even if they do look stupid.
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Fallons goal was a fluke, could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to do it more than 5.

Darren Mackie could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to hit the ball more than 5...

If you're joining a gym or a health club I'd give it a week... All the fucking no hopers have started this week clogging up your workout whilst hogging the machines you want to use... The pool I go to was fucking hoaching with fucking water treaders in the fast lane today - fuck off with your breast stroke in the fast lane, and you fucking old wifies having a wee chat in the medium lane... Get Tae.... You want to have a gas, stick your head in an oven...


#5 OFFLINE   Original A1

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Posted 24 March 2008 - 11:47 PM

Here's an idea: if you/your mate don't want puppies, don't let Mummy Dog and Daddy Dog stay in the same room whilst the hormones are going crazy!

:thumbsdown: :sheepy: :sheepy: :nono:
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#6 OFFLINE   OneZanderDiamond

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 12:18 AM

Why did you agree to look after them?

If they're pissing and sh*tting then kick them outside
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#7 OFFLINE   Bobby Connor

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 03:07 AM

Pity your mate never trained his dogs not to 'pish and sh!t' in the house before dumping them on you!

Two dogs + 2 weeks = a long time for potential grief.

We have a dog who is an absolute joy but when she gets together with our neighbours dog (we look after him from time to time) they are like a couple of kids fighting, playing and stinking out the house all day long. Not to mention that our neighbours dog slavers all over our dog's head. :thumbsdown:

Your pal should probably have them both neutered unless he is planning on breeding them.
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#8 Guest_LondonScottish_*

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 06:57 AM

Pity your mate never trained his dogs not to 'pish and sh!t' in the house before dumping them on you!

Two dogs + 2 weeks = a long time for potential grief.

We have a dog who is an absolute joy but when she gets together with our neighbours dog (we look after him from time to time) they are like a couple of kids fighting, playing and stinking out the house all day long. Not to mention that our neighbours dog slavers all over our dog's head. :thumbsdown:

Your pal should probably have them both neutered unless he is planning on breeding them.



Why not just get them both neutered before he gets back from holiday? :blahblah1: :nono:

Edited by LondonScottish, 25 March 2008 - 06:59 AM.

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#9 OFFLINE   Original A1

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 07:47 AM

Why not just get them both neutered before he gets back from holiday? :blahblah1: :nono:


And/or stick a cork in a place where corks aren't normally stuck?!

:thumbsdown:
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#10 OFFLINE   Red Dragon

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 09:03 AM

sh*tey situation your in mate. Your mates a nut for dumping them on you when she was about to come into heat. Else your a mug for agreeing to it. I've not got any bitches but think they're in season for at least a week, closer to two I think so you'll have this pleasure to deal with the entire time.

I suggest you cage one of them up, this kinda thing https://www.barjo.co.../showman-range/ but they can be pretty pricey. Normally pick them up second hand in the freeadds/classifieds for around 20. I use them all the time with my dogs but if they ain't used to them, they sound pretty spoiled so I guess they won't be, they may be reluctant to go into them. this said, grief for one of them or grief for you? You decide.

As for which one you cage, I don't know, probably the dog.

Point of note Bobby - daddy doggy and daughter really shouldn't breed. Also agree with the point of training.
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Counsel on behalf of RIFC argued that "Rangers are 1 of biggest brands in world"

to which Lord Tyre retorted " it didn't stop them being liquidated. LOL" 


#11 OFFLINE   sheepshagger89

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 10:14 AM

get a cat. far less hassle.
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#12 OFFLINE   Red Dragon

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 10:15 AM

get a cat. far less hassle.


miserable *******ds
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Counsel on behalf of RIFC argued that "Rangers are 1 of biggest brands in world"

to which Lord Tyre retorted " it didn't stop them being liquidated. LOL" 


#13 OFFLINE   robbo

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 02:55 PM

well, that was an interesting night. i just let them go at it until about 2am when i went to bed. she had those protective pants on the whole time so its all good. By the time it got to about 1.50 they were both completely shattered and collapsed into a coma.

5.30 comes and i get woken by my mrs throwing an absolute wobbler coz these dogs have pissed allover the living room. They come flying up the stairs and try to dive under the duvet to hide from her but she comes marching up, pulls the covers off (aye, ta for that) and grabs both of them and drags them downstais to lose the plot some more.

A few mins later i hear her giving them a choice, the first one upstairs gets to sleep in the bed, the other is stuck with me. The bitch understood and takes down the boy before breaking the sound barrier to get into the room with me so shes safe.

The part i really really didnt enjoy about this week was when she went to take a dump outside and the boy, so wired to the hilt starts licking frantically so smeared all the sh*te into her back legs and allover his face....mrs nearly threw up so i had to get up at half 6 to give these two mungrels a bath.

I always wanted a dog until this week. I now hate the *******ds. Animals = nuisance
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Fallons goal was a fluke, could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to do it more than 5.

Darren Mackie could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to hit the ball more than 5...

If you're joining a gym or a health club I'd give it a week... All the fucking no hopers have started this week clogging up your workout whilst hogging the machines you want to use... The pool I go to was fucking hoaching with fucking water treaders in the fast lane today - fuck off with your breast stroke in the fast lane, and you fucking old wifies having a wee chat in the medium lane... Get Tae.... You want to have a gas, stick your head in an oven...


#14 OFFLINE   redtillidie

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 03:26 PM

[quote name='robbo' date='Mar 24 2008, 09:11 PM' post='239084']
im sure anyone with dogs will feel my pain so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

my mate has had to leave me his 2 dogs which hes away for 2 weeks. were just over half way now and i cant take anymore. it wouldnt be so bad but my brain keeps focusing on 1 point in particular...the bitch is the daughter of the dog and hes constantly allover her.

he warned me she was going to come into heat soon (...and by soon, that d*ck clearly meant tomorrow). He left these cloth pants for her to wear to prevent her getting pregnant but im not convinced. Ive spent the whole week shouting at the pair of them to knock it off but today i had enough. Ive left my faith in these pants and let them try their best to satisfy their desires.

The only funny part really is shes marginally taller than he is so he can just about mount her...but he cant actually do the deed, so hes just humping air which amuses the hell out of me. After about 40 mins of huffing and puffing in the kitchen, they come through. Shes still bouncing about trying to get more out of him (she keeps mounting him face first, dirty girl) but all he wants to do just now is sleep it off.

while this is funny just now, i just know that when they both wake up im for it again. id just leave them to sleep down here but i tried that and as it turns out, these are the worst behaved dogs possible. They are only used to the very best - cooked chickens from tesco, bottled water and sleeping in their owners bed. I didnt want them in my bed so made a bed for them downstairs and closed my door. Next morning i find about 7 tonne of sh*te and piss everywhere.

As a result of that, i dont particularly want that scenario happening again so they now sleep at the foot of my bed. However, the mood these 2 have been in all day, dont think they will want to do a great deal of sleeping tonight...

anybody know anyway i can get any sleep tonight that wont get me in trouble with the RSPCA???
[/quote

:applause: Sorry, to laugh m8. Have u nae got a shed/garage that will accommodate the mutts?
Look on the bright side, I'm pretty sure you still get 250 quid for YBF videos, dog in pants? :drink: get yer camera oot!
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#15 OFFLINE   Alan B'stard

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Posted 25 March 2008 - 03:40 PM

well, that was an interesting night. i just let them go at it until about 2am when i went to bed. she had those protective pants on the whole time so its all good. By the time it got to about 1.50 they were both completely shattered and collapsed into a coma.

5.30 comes and i get woken by my mrs throwing an absolute wobbler coz these dogs have pissed allover the living room. They come flying up the stairs and try to dive under the duvet to hide from her but she comes marching up, pulls the covers off (aye, ta for that) and grabs both of them and drags them downstais to lose the plot some more.

A few mins later i hear her giving them a choice, the first one upstairs gets to sleep in the bed, the other is stuck with me. The bitch understood and takes down the boy before breaking the sound barrier to get into the room with me so shes safe.

The part i really really didnt enjoy about this week was when she went to take a dump outside and the boy, so wired to the hilt starts licking frantically so smeared all the sh*te into her back legs and allover his face....mrs nearly threw up so i had to get up at half 6 to give these two mungrels a bath.

I always wanted a dog until this week. I now hate the *******ds. Animals = nuisance


:applause: this sounds so far fetched...Im pissin myself laughing tho
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#16 OFFLINE   Sweetchuck

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 10:14 AM

:crossfingers: this sounds so far fetched...Im pissin myself laughing tho

Obtain pair of tight Y-fronts. Clart inside of said underpants with Vicks Vapo-Rub. Place on on male dog.

Problem solved.
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#17 OFFLINE   Red Dragon

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 12:35 PM

Can we have todays instalment of "Incestuous Dog Love In" pllllleeeeeeeeeeeeese Robbo.
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Counsel on behalf of RIFC argued that "Rangers are 1 of biggest brands in world"

to which Lord Tyre retorted " it didn't stop them being liquidated. LOL" 


#18 OFFLINE   Suspect Device

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 12:49 PM

Four Seasons Restaurant
38, Corporation Rd, Cardiff, South Glamorgan CF11 7AU
Tel: 029 2064 4466

Classification: Restaurants - Korean


Just take them out for a wok. Problem solved.
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Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a dayGive a man religion and he'll starve to death praying for a fish.

#19 OFFLINE   Original A1

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 01:36 PM

This has to be one of the funniest threads in a while.

Do you speak from experience, Sweetchuck?!

:applause:
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#20 OFFLINE   Sweetchuck

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 04:27 PM

This has to be one of the funniest threads in a while.

Do you speak from experience, Sweetchuck?!

:thumbup1:

It's a technique I used on myself as a teenager.

It certainly took my mind off skirt.

:laughing:
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#21 OFFLINE   Alan B'stard

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 04:32 PM

It's a technique I used on myself as a teenager.

It certainly took my mind off skirt.

:thumbup1:


YES I can imagine having used mint source on my c**k in the shower

beware kids it can nip your bell
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CALDERWOOD IS THE NEW MESSIAH NO CUPS IN SIGHT BUT HEY IT'S TOP SIX

#22 OFFLINE   Original A1

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 05:17 PM

It's a technique I used on myself as a teenager.

It certainly took my mind off skirt.

:laughing:


Presumably the smell took skirt's mind off you too!

:dontknow:
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#23 OFFLINE   Sweetchuck

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 05:24 PM

Presumably the smell took skirt's mind off you too!

:laughing:

The skirts' minds were never on me in the first place.

:dontknow:
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#24 OFFLINE   robbo

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 09:14 PM

right, ready to smash the little sh*ts head in today. had to go out to the docs and the mrs went back to work so i had no choice, had to leave them in the house. Decided to put their beds in the kitchen, lure them in there and close the door behind since its the safest and easiest to wipe clean area.

Come back after 2 hours and what do i find, snoop (dog) is ontop of kanina, goin at her on one leg. Yes, were at that stage now where basic sex aint enough for him, he wants to try different positions :dontknow:

That amused the hell out of me so i whip out the phone and start recording it to show the mrs later. Thats a keeper...

Then i realise a mountain of sh*te has been smeared into their beds, under their beds and up the damned cabinets under the sink!!! How in the blue hell did they manage to smear it on the cabinets???

Piss on the washing machine and Oven and the dog food bowl of "meaty meals" has been strewn across the room.

Little *******ds.

I think to myself, theres probably no point but ill let them out the back to see if they have anything left to piss and sh*t out. Open the door for Snoop to go while i get the pants off Kanina. I look up and with the door swining open, Snoop is pissing allover the door frame. A mere matter of inches and itd have been outside....but no.

Last thing for the day, i got sick of them humping so i shouted at snoop to get off her, he refused. I walk up to them and give him a little smack to get off. He jumps off and does the unfamiliar thing of adopting an attack position and really snarling like he means it. I stupidly tried to call his bluff and he went for me. Good job hes only small or he could have done some damage. I went spare at that point, grabbed him by the back of his neck and lifted him up and balled in his face. Him trying desperately to bite my hands (i know i did wrong to do that but i was past seeing red, i was beyond furious).
Kanina seemed to know something was seriously wrong and actually tried to push me back. I let go of him and stormed off. Within seconds hes come after me all apologetic and whimpering. I leaned over and rubbed his head a bit but im still pissed off about it and that was 6 hours ago now.

Cannot wait to get rid of him.
  • 0

Fallons goal was a fluke, could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to do it more than 5.

Darren Mackie could try it 100 times and he'd be lucky to hit the ball more than 5...

If you're joining a gym or a health club I'd give it a week... All the fucking no hopers have started this week clogging up your workout whilst hogging the machines you want to use... The pool I go to was fucking hoaching with fucking water treaders in the fast lane today - fuck off with your breast stroke in the fast lane, and you fucking old wifies having a wee chat in the medium lane... Get Tae.... You want to have a gas, stick your head in an oven...


#25 OFFLINE   OneZanderDiamond

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Posted 26 March 2008 - 11:06 PM

right, ready to smash the little sh*ts head in today. had to go out to the docs and the mrs went back to work so i had no choice, had to leave them in the house. Decided to put their beds in the kitchen, lure them in there and close the door behind since its the safest and easiest to wipe clean area.

Come back after 2 hours and what do i find, snoop (dog) is ontop of kanina, goin at her on one leg. Yes, were at that stage now where basic sex aint enough for him, he wants to try different positions :fishing:

That amused the hell out of me so i whip out the phone and start recording it to show the mrs later. Thats a keeper...

Then i realise a mountain of sh*te has been smeared into their beds, under their beds and up the damned cabinets under the sink!!! How in the blue hell did they manage to smear it on the cabinets???

Piss on the washing machine and Oven and the dog food bowl of "meaty meals" has been strewn across the room.

Little *******ds.

I think to myself, theres probably no point but ill let them out the back to see if they have anything left to piss and sh*t out. Open the door for Snoop to go while i get the pants off Kanina. I look up and with the door swining open, Snoop is pissing allover the door frame. A mere matter of inches and itd have been outside....but no.

Last thing for the day, i got sick of them humping so i shouted at snoop to get off her, he refused. I walk up to them and give him a little smack to get off. He jumps off and does the unfamiliar thing of adopting an attack position and really snarling like he means it. I stupidly tried to call his bluff and he went for me. Good job hes only small or he could have done some damage. I went spare at that point, grabbed him by the back of his neck and lifted him up and balled in his face. Him trying desperately to bite my hands (i know i did wrong to do that but i was past seeing red, i was beyond furious).
Kanina seemed to know something was seriously wrong and actually tried to push me back. I let go of him and stormed off. Within seconds hes come after me all apologetic and whimpering. I leaned over and rubbed his head a bit but im still pissed off about it and that was 6 hours ago now.

Cannot wait to get rid of him.


You didn't do wrong, I think of myself as an animal lover but by the sounds of things these dogs need a good beating for their own good.
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#26 OFFLINE   Dynamo

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 08:47 AM

Cheers for the update robbo :drink: :fishing:
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#27 OFFLINE   Alan B'stard

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 09:07 AM

Mate I'sd seriously consider writting a book - confessions of a dog sitter

this has brightened up my dull week at work

marvelous
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#28 OFFLINE   Red Dragon

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 09:35 AM

You didn't do wrong, I think of myself as an animal lover but by the sounds of things these dogs need a good beating for their own good.


I don't know about a good beating but certainly letting it know who the alpha male is is the right thing to do. Try pinning it to the ground, rather than lifting it by its scruff, they understand that better.

Incidentally, what kinda dogs are they?

Edited by Red Dragon, 27 March 2008 - 09:35 AM.

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Counsel on behalf of RIFC argued that "Rangers are 1 of biggest brands in world"

to which Lord Tyre retorted " it didn't stop them being liquidated. LOL" 


#29 OFFLINE   redtillidie

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 10:18 AM

I don't know about a good beating but certainly letting it know who the alpha male is is the right thing to do. Try pinning it to the ground, rather than lifting it by its scruff, they understand that better.

Incidentally, what kinda dogs are they?



THE DEVIL VARIETY!

Here's a suggestion, mighty selfish I know, but won't you consider adopting your new friends fulltime, it certainly brightens things up on here m8! Can't wait for the next instalment. Btw, let us know when you've uploaded your phone doggyporn. :laughing: :laughing:
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#30 OFFLINE   Alan B'stard

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 10:39 AM

THE DEVIL VARIETY!

Here's a suggestion, mighty selfish I know, but won't you consider adopting your new friends fulltime, it certainly brightens things up on here m8! Can't wait for the next instalment. Btw, let us know when you've uploaded your phone doggyporn. :hysterical: :hysterical:


It's insane !!!!

Im feeling sick at the thought of piss and sh*t smeered all over your kitchen.....I'd volley the dog out the door for that - no excuse

funniest thing I've read in ages - your mental for taking the dogs......but long may it continue lol
:hysterical:
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