The Pish Christmas Present Thread

[dave_min]

Aye

 

If you are a 14 year old virgin.

You’ve changed.

 

Fucking sellout.

 

Lynx4lyf

[reekie_dock]

[Studebaker-90]

Received a tin of carlsberg lager/carlsberg glass combination set from my girlfriends cousin. The justification was “not sure if you drink that but the glass is pretty cool”.

[Redforever86]

Received a tin of carlsberg lager/carlsberg glass combination set from my girlfriends cousin. The justification was “not sure if you drink that but the glass is pretty cool”.

 

 

To be fair, fucked buying presents for the bloke who is shagging your cousin. 

 

I don't even buy presents for my cousins. 

[Studebaker-90]

Neither do I, that’s what made it all the more confusing.

[Redforever86]

Neither do I, that’s what made it all the more confusing.

Should of downed the lager and glassed them.

[BWG]

You’ve changed.

Fucking sellout.

Lynx4lyf

Ouch

[Studebaker-90]

And then her auntie

[Fridge]

Should of downed the lager and glassed them.

Ha missed this! I concur.

[Studebaker-90]

Who’s getting glassed at Christmas this year then?

[Ke1t]

I’ve got 8g of cocaine

 

So I’m as happy as Larry

 

The bird will be disappointed with the chlamydia I got for her.

 

I read that as 8kg of cocaine.

 

That'd be a white christmas and no mistakes, fella m'lad. 

 

[shut up meg]

Years ago I worked with a really weird bloke that gave his girlfriend (of 9 months) a loft ladder.

I asked him why he chose that particular present, he said that he had a spare one in the loft.

A truly bizarre Christmas present.

[shut up meg]

How did he get it up in the loft in the first place?

 

The one he gave was the spare one hanz.

[maryhilldon]

How do you end up with a spare loft ladder anyway?

[shut up meg]

Aye, so how did he get the spare one in the loft?

 

I assume that he used the one in situ, climbed up it and took the spare one down however he was not wired up correctly so I wouldn't rule out him giving away the original loft and hiring a cherry picker to get the spare one down.

 

How do you end up with a spare loft ladder anyway?

 

Don't know, he was a right weirdo.

[shut up meg]

Thats's what Im getting at. No-one would buy a spare loft ladder, and climb up the existing one and put a spare one in the loft ' just in case'. 

 

Also if you were of the mind that you needed a spare loft ladder then you wouldn't just suddenly give it away.

 

He sounds like a fucking prick this guy. 

 

He was different, he made MT look like Albert Einstein. I always thought that if he had access to firearms that he had the potential to go postal and wipe out the workforce.

Thankfully there are pretty good gun laws here as I reckon I'd be pretty high on his hit list due to me ripping the piss out of him on a regular basis.

[shut up meg]

I want to get to the bottom of this shite.

 

I can't help you anymore hanz, I no longer work with the oddball, he was last seen working as a porter at ARI.

He's probably drinking the samples.

[shut up meg]

Fuck it. Im off out to dig a bit deeper. Laters.

 

I would suggest visiting ARI and ask for the receptionist for the porter that looks the most likely to drink pish samples.

[shut up meg]

Here the fact he's a prick has a lot more to do with this than you're giving it credit for Hanz son - that's what makes it noteworthy; just how extraordinary it is.

 

Why would this cunt do this?

 

Heads scratched up and down - not a fucking clue.

 

He's a prick. End of.

 

Looking back, I think he was a grippit cunt.

 

At the end of the day - his actions have been justified. 5he lassie was delighted (wasn't she?)

 

Never met her, he did say she was delighted as it was an off the wall present.

She must have been missing something to have hooked up with that arsehole.

[Red Ram]

Sorry. I think finding out the truth is going to open a whole can of worms here and may lead to a whole host of unsolved crime cases to be resolved.

 

THIS IS BIG

Have we established whether the girlfriend even had a loft to use the gift to access

[shut up meg]

Probably

[shut up meg]

I would tell you some more however I couldn't take the questions from Sherlock Hanz.

[maryhilldon]

Surely nicknamed "Lofty" in the office.

 

Eastenders, not The Office.

[manboobs109]

I need a loft ladder

[tightbreeks]

I'll be getting my stocking ive had since i was about 5. Clementine at the bottom a brookmyre or rankine, depending on whose got a Christmas book out. And the whites. And some toys from oxfam.

[Red Ram]

I'll be getting my stocking ive had since i was about 5. Clementine at the bottom a brookmyre or rankine, depending on whose got a Christmas book out. And the whites. And some toys from oxfam.

Suppose a loft ladder could come in handy if your stocking is hung too high and you're vertically challenged eg Tup

[DD1903]

Imagine his loft ladder broke and he went out and bought another one so he could get to the spare

[tightbreeks]

My stocking is hand made crochet number made by my old dear many Christmases ago. Love it.

[tightbreeks]

My mum just got back from madeira and all she got was a Toblerone, so that'll be in there. Better not be a terrys chocolate orange. Bought from a man where each one was damaged, because he was promised good storage.

[Ke1t]

I need a loft ladder

 

Loved the German Airforce during ww2.