Becoming A Dad

[RAZOR]

Congratulations Tord. All the best to you and yours.

 

MT, watch the whole thing. Best thing you'll ever watch.

[Reed or deed]

Dont forget to post a pic of the cunt when its born so we can all tell you how ugly it is.

[Old manny]

My third and last one turned up nearly twenty eight years ago so my memories of the horrors of watching childbirth are fading. I seem to recall suggesting to the midwife that putting in a few extra stitches wouldn't be a bad idea, but for some reason it didn't go down too well with the missus and the nurses. Happy days.

[Henry]

Dont forget to post a pic of the cunt when its born so we can all tell you how ugly it is.

 

I take it you're meaning the bairn here.

[Old manny]

The birth is no place for the man.

 

Its very long winded.

 

The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc.

 

You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours.

 

There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point.

 

If only life was that simple.

[BrianFaePerth]

 

 

You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours

We were in to the second night with our first and the midwife suggested a half hour rest. Eh had just fallen asleep so when she came back again eh said "just 10 extra minutes please".

 

Fuckin hell, that brought a thunderous look from the midwife and it gets used against me to this day by the wife

[DD1903]

Haha just hope it's gonna be a guy as from the scans and heartbeat think it's gonna be a big yin

 

Bertha with size 12 feet

A girl in my class at primary school had adult size 9 feet in primary 5 or 6. Massive

 

She left after P6, so I have no idea just how big they reached

[vanderark14]

The birth is no place for the man.

 

Its very long winded.

 

The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc.

 

You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours.

 

There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point.

 

This "the man must be present for the birth" thing is quite a modern or american thing. None of my uncles, dad or grandads were there for the births of their kids. Most were in the pub or still at sea/offshore. There's no point us being in there, we only get in the way. When my sprog arrives I can just imagine myself getting hacked off with the over excited dads who film every moment.

[Poodler]

The birth is no place for the man.

 

Its very long winded.

 

The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc.

 

You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours.

 

There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point.

Haha, superb

 

Is it rude to ask for a minge tidy up after a caesarean?

[Zeus]

The birth is no place for the man.

Its very long winded.

The midwives are always badgering you to encourage, massage, stop playing candy crush etc etc.

You are a cunt if you fall asleep, even if it drags on over 24 hours.

There should be a smokey old bar where the men can all sit together drinking pints of Black n Tan.....once the head pops out, yer numbers called. Brisk walk to the delivery room, snip the cord, pat the missus and the midwives on the back for their sterling efforts. Leave the ladies to tidy up the minge a bit and we're all heading home for a cup of tea to watch Tipping Point.

 

30 odd hours I'm never getting back. Wouldn't even give me a shotty of the gas.

[minijc]

 

30 odd hours I'm never getting back. Wouldn't even give me a shotty of the gas.

My mate took some of it on the sly, said it was ace.

[strachanmcgheegoal]

The only thing that would make that better is after leaving the ladies to tidy up the minge, they keep her in for a couple more days recovery - allowing you and your mates to 'wet/sniff' the babies head.

This happened to me. Doctor took me to one side and said he'd really like to keep an eye on her for at least 36 hours. Boy hadn't finished the sentence and the tee time was booked, curry sorted, baby's heid wetting session organised. Quick chat to the wife - you're in the best place, get some rest, you deserve it etc etc, oot the door and tra la fucking la..

 

Seriously considered getting her induced for the next one so it tied in with a home game!

[BrianFaePerth]

As natural as it is, it's still fairly bizarre watching a human emerging from your lady's chuff-chuff.

When tup goes down on a lady does it look like a breech birth?

[mcdougall(4)]

When tup goes down on a lady does it look like a breech birth?

???

[RAZOR]

 

30 odd hours I'm never getting back. Wouldn't even give me a shotty of the gas.

 

Your nae meant to ask ffs.

 

Fairly sure the only reason folk have bairns in Aberdeen is to sample the delights from the chinky across the road from the matty.

[Poodler]

When tup goes down on a lady does it look like a breech birth?

 

Hahaha

[ebbe]

Your nae meant to ask ffs.

 

Fairly sure the only reason folk have bairns in Aberdeen is to sample the delights from the chinky across the road from the matty.

Worst Chinese I’ve ever had in Aberdeen, the Ruby. Gave it the benefit of the doubt once more and it was worse. Putrid shite.

[cruzcampo3]

Your nae meant to ask ffs.

 

Fairly sure the only reason folk have bairns in Aberdeen is to sample the delights from the chinky across the road from the matty.

Worst Chinese I’ve ever had in Aberdeen, the Ruby. Gave it the benefit of the doubt once more and it was worse. Putrid shite.

Went there last year after the loon was born. Use to be regular growing up there so thought be ok. Worst Chinese I have ever had. Thought my sweet chilli chicken was in a light sauce when tasted it was oil.

Jumbo is Chinese of choice in that area

[RAZOR]

Worst Chinese I’ve ever had in Aberdeen, the Ruby. Gave it the benefit of the doubt once more and it was worse. Putrid shite.

 

Very unlike you to be so pessimistic.

[Reed or deed]

Peer bairn.

[Reed or deed]

Haha

I don't care what anyone says, surely EVERYONE wants a boy?

EVERY bairn wants a dad like you.

[Reed or deed]

Gender scan today.. .

It's a...

BOY

WOOHOO

Aye but was that for yer bairn or yer wife?

[Guest milne_afc]

Gender scan today.. .

 

It's a...

 

BOY

 

WOOHOO

What if your child decides otherwise?

[Bluto10]

Prefer women myself.

Gemma Atkinson, aye?

[ebbe]

Very unlike you to be so pessimistic.

Go fuck yourself.

 

Also very negative.

[mcdougall(4)]

Haha

 

I don't care what anyone says, surely EVERYONE wants a boy?

@police

[mcdougall(4)]

Prefer women myself.

And once they meet you they prefer women too

[ebbe]

@police

@police

[rumpus]

Haha

 

I don't care what anyone says, surely EVERYONE wants a boy?

 

 

 

Agree wholeheatedly.

 

After 2x girls of mine and one of hers, I was basely bias when the grandson came along.

 

he already has Adidas sambas, made to measure. and the best of cool clobber. He will want for nothing.

[rumpus]

^ Aye. Good on ya big guy, hope all goes well...