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What’s the closest you have come to dying?


Fridge

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Boof has top trump though if I was there I'd like to think I'd have done a flight 93 style counter assault, lets fucking do these cunts, armed with scissors and stuff.

Genuinely had to do an online tick box course where the advise was to improvise with your environment.

 

Fire extinguisher was the best bet apparantely. Aye so if some maniac terrorist comes into to the office heavily armed I’m supposed to run and get a fire extinguisher and nail him off the dish while he is firing shots at me.

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Got mugged walking home from work. Two neds grabbed me and one brought out a syringe which he said contained hiv. I wasn’t wholly convinced but felt it best I give him my g shock watch with broken illumination feature and rucksack featuring various work folders.

 

Got run over trying to race a pal from school at lunchtime to see who could get on the 2p fruit machine first. . Fortunately just behind the car was an ambulance so I was immediately scooped up.

Luckily no broken bones and randomly years later I was approached by a middle woman asking if I had ever been run over when I was at school. Same lady. Said I had given her nightmares for years

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Nearly drowned when I was about 8 years old while swimming in the sea on holiday.

 

Basically went too far out and the current started taking me further and further out to sea. To this day I remember thinking I am fucked unless I do a power swim like Duncan Goodhew at the Olympics.

 

Eventually made it back to the shore greeting and collapsed with near exhaustion while my oblivious parents wondered what all the fuss was about.

 

Other that that and the odd car crash with mates when young and reckless.

 

Oh and Tup also threatened me once.

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I've had a couple of serious car accidents, both down to sheer stupidity and luckily no one else involved. Rolled one car into a field out by Blackburn, managed to crawl out of that one with 2 x broken ankles (fuck knows how, pedals?) and a load of glass embedded in my scalp. Getting it all picked out at ARI with no anaesthetic was fun. Did the same again a few years later but didn't have seatbelt on. Can still remember the initial weightlessness followed by some very violent ragdolling around the car interior as it tumbled end over end. No broken bones but some very serious internal bruising. Airbag inventor - I thank you. Young police officers on the scene considered charging me but took pity and decided not to after seeing the kids car seats all crushed in the back. I drive like a nun now.

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Fell asleep in a ditch. In January. -6 with only t-shirt and jeans on. 

 

Cosy and warm, no issues, had been slumbering for over an an hour until police and ambulance turned up and I was taken to hospital with severe hypothermia.

 

True story, no reason to lie.

 

 

Others I cannot divulge due to reasons not to be disclosed publicly, but I have also been associated with killing a person.

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Fell asleep in a ditch. In January. -6 with only t-shirt and jeans on.

 

Cosy and warm, no issues, had been slumbering for over an an hour until police and ambulance turned up and I was taken to hospital with severe hypothermia.

 

True story, no reason to lie.

 

 

Others I cannot divulge due to reasons not to be disclosed publicly, but I have also been associated with killing a person.

Are you Nat Fraser?

 

You can’t leave us hanging with that last sentence, get it spilled.

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stuck on a bus in the middle of a shoot out in Orlando when I was 13, ended up with the gang lad getting shot then bitten by a police dog, bullets whizzing past the bus. Also got threatened with a gun in a Bulgarian casino a few years back.

Lies.

 

You have lived your life before and since this date in an internet dominated world.

 

Both these made-up events would have been front-page local press.

 

Such as:

 

"FAT MESS IN BIG SHOOT-OUT MESS"

 

"EASTERN EURO CASINO BURGER HORROR SHOW!"

 

or the like.

 

Unless you're fishing again of course, good one.

 

You're about as believable as ke1t.

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