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Your favourite hotel stories


Poodler

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Nothing too rock and roll, but it was hilarious at the time. 

 

Had a mate who couldn't find the toilet in a hostel abroad, ended up outside of the room and the door locked behind him. We woke in the morning to him banging on the door. I opened the door to find the boy standing in just his boxers after having slept in the stairwell all evening. 

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Stag do in Nottingham about 12 years ago.

Pulled a bird and took her back to the room I was sharing with my mate.

He tried to get a 3 way on the go,she wasn’t arsed so he went to sleep pissed.

I did her porn style in the mirror over the desk,bed etc whilst he slept.

In the morning she sucked me off then disappeared into the bathroom and returned having used his toothbrush.

I’m nae a total cunt so I told him.

Cue 15 blokes pissing themselves laughing while others looked non plussed at the mention of a toothbrush in the best man’s speech.

Unwittingly left a brand new pair of shoes in the hotel room.

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Stag do in Nottingham about 12 years ago.

Pulled a bird and took her back to the room I was sharing with my mate.

He tried to get a 3 way on the go,she wasn’t arsed so he went to sleep pissed.

I did her porn style in the mirror over the desk,bed etc whilst he slept.

In the morning she sucked me off then disappeared into the bathroom and returned having used his toothbrush.

I’m nae a total cunt so I told him.

Cue 15 blokes pissing themselves laughing while others looked non plussed at the mention of a toothbrush in the best man’s speech.

Unwittingly left a brand new pair of shoes in the hotel room.

What type of toothbrush?
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Smashed a mirror aged 18 after a shite green day gig in Glasgow. Kicked a chair into it. Nae sure if I meant it was pished as fuck. 

 

My mate ko'ing with his trousers round his ankles half in and half out a lift in Frankfurt was a decent laugh. 

 

 

 

Worst hotel story, paid £270 (as a skint student) for a hotel after pulling a bird in London and not being able to take her back to my mates miles away. Never even got it up. 

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Naked sleepwalking in Olomouc wishing a couple a good morning in the lift at 6am standing bollock naked demanding a towel and my room number.

 

Allegedly shitting under a pool table, passing out with my suit trousers round my ankles, puking up in a bucket at the main door in front of one of the Saturdays then waking up next morning in bed in my pals room with a bird Id never met.

 

Getting woken up by Reekie and another pal in a hotel in Inverness, finding out i’d Grand Slammed (pissed myself, shat on the floor and spewed my ringer). Then found the missing gram of cocaine I thought my pal had stolen in my spare shoes. A happy ending.

 

Reekies stagger last October too ridiculous a story to tell. @@ebbe

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Travelodge Hill Street looks onto a block of apartments which is a complete glass facade

 

Celebrated like the dons winning the league when we were gathered in a room watching a bird undress a few years ago

 

She knew we were all watching aswell. Her man was in the living room oblivious to the show going on in the next room

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Travelodge Hill Street looks onto a block of apartments which is a complete glass facade

 

Celebrated like the dons winning the league when we were gathered in a room watching a bird undress a few years ago

 

She knew we were all watching aswell. Her man was in the living room oblivious to the show going on in the next room

 

"Bum, tits, fanny , the lot"

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Checking out of a hotel, after a three night stay, in Hamburg many years ago with a pal , and the guy at the desk says, "and the mini bar .., you have had 2 beers from"  We looked at each other  "  No ,,"  don't think so Adolf. You sure?"  " Yes , two bottles of Becks. £7"   We were quite young and naive so just paid the thing.  Three days later we remembered we had indeed had a beer each as soon as we arrived the first night.

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there’s been a few

 

big tear up in berlin and I ended up back an hour before

room service: bottle of champagne for one please.

 

that’s finished off and crew arrive back as I’ve subsequently polished off the mini bar wines

 

then we raided the housekeeping’s load of mini bar wines and carried on for hours

 

wasn’t bad; just ruddy good fun

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I went into the wrong hotel after @cans in Barcelona. I was a semi regular there with work so they knew who I was. Woke in the morning had absolutely fuck all idea where I was, no suitcase or clothes and needed to get to the airport.

 

Went down to reception ashamed in a pair of sunglasses and shirts thoroughly ashamed, had to be put to my bed apparantely but they didn’t charge me. Fair play.

 

Had to them get a taxi to my actual hotel and pick up all my stuff then get out to the airport.

 

Bought the lassie bottle off Prosecco the next week as a thank you. Zero shag. Must have been in some state.

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Been woken up in a Congolese hotel room by a large sergeant mentalist pointing his machine gun at me and shouting angry shit at me in french. Its a long story. Justice won thru in the end and my tea towel holder remained intact. Ive no doubt the hooker got the karma she deserved, not least the aids i gave her.

Banned from the Jurys Inn and Eurohostel in Glasgow indefinitely. Obvs just book in with someone elses bank card now like Carlos the Jackal.

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Naked sleepwalking in Olomouc wishing a couple a good morning in the lift at 6am standing bollock naked demanding a towel and my room number.

Allegedly shitting under a pool table, passing out with my suit trousers round my ankles, puking up in a bucket at the main door in front of one of the Saturdays then waking up next morning in bed in my pals room with a bird Id never met.

Getting woken up by Reekie and another pal in a hotel in Inverness, finding out i’d Grand Slammed (pissed myself, shat on the floor and spewed my ringer). Then found the missing gram of cocaine I thought my pal had stolen in my spare shoes. A happy ending.

Reekies stagger last October too ridiculous a story to tell. @@ebbe

Landlord was a cunt. Ended up being good value for money considering how much time we spent there.

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Nothing too rock and roll, but it was hilarious at the time. 

 

Had a mate who couldn't find the toilet in a hostel abroad, ended up outside of the room and the door locked behind him. We woke in the morning to him banging on the door. I opened the door to find the boy standing in just his boxers after having slept in the stairwell all evening.

 

What a tepid man you are

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Clipped by a hostel security guard in Berlin for constantly asking him about his steroid use/translations for various drugs in German. Not long after ended up passed out/pulled a whitey on the street after asking a French girl for a fag only to find out it was a joint, been on the pop all day so it hit me almost as hard as the German bloke.

 

Not as funny typed up. Cba with others, very similar to the above.

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