Pet Hates

[BrianFaePerth]

Observant wife’s

 

Got new IPTV and included is about 40 odd porn channels. After I dropped wife at work and I decided to browse the channels with my pants at my ankles.

 

After a solid 30 mins chucked the wank sock in the fool washing pile and continued on we Ma day.

 

Picked her up from work and as am parking car on drive she immediately says whys the blinds in living room closed. Rumbled

You must have previous if closed blinds immediately make her think you've been wanking

[Poodler]

The clamour for the microwave at lunchtime. Good god

[BrianFaePerth]

The clamour for the microwave at lunchtime. Good god

Poor people problem

[Redforever86]

Poor people problem

 

I've got two microwaves in my kitchen, how many do you and the Boof have?

[Poodler]

Ask his chef

[BrianFaePerth]

I've got two microwaves in my kitchen, how many do you and the Boof have?

Eh don't have poor people in my kitchen

[BWG]

Poor people problem

 

Indeed.  If you don't spend at last £18 a day on your lunch then you're 3rd class trash.

[Chewie37]

Lunch is for wimps

[manboobs109]

Collective nouns for birds. Murder of Crows etc. So fucking fuck it's just a load of birds.

[Chewie37]

Yours will be a proper massive lunch then chewie, you big arsehole haha terrific

 

 

Alright Cavey...calm down. Trainers chat then this? You’ve changed

 

 

Collective nouns for birds. Murder of Crows etc. So fucking fuck it's just a load of birds.

Is it a Fat Slag of Birds?

[For Fecks Sake]

My wife's driving, honestly how much of a fucking drama can she make a car journey.

 

That's us arrived in Glasgow for the Semi (me going to match, her shopping) but she announces that she wants to drive down as she is heading back to Glasgow in a few weeks on her own and wants to get the experience (she's just turned 40 and has been driving for years).

 

Now, despite me having driven us to Glasgow for what must amount to hundreds of times, she actually has zero fucking clue of how to get there. Every roundabout or junction she starts screaming at me 'where do I go, which road do take' with the icing on the cake being us completely missing the Glasgow turnoff at Perth as she 'never seen the sign' - all this with the car sat nav also on.

 

Add is jerky wheel movements, braking at the last second for roundabouts, speeding up only to slow down and making screaming noises as she overtakes a lorry or bus (of which there was loads full of Tims and Dandies). Was nearly a divorce in the making.

 

At least when we drive back up the road I will hopefully be merrily pissed reflecting in an Aberdeen win but will probably wakeup in Thurso as opposed to Aberdeen if I leave her to get us home alone.

[Poodler]

People who say they hate Abba

 

That annoys me.

 

You can't hate Abba

[BrianFaePerth]

People who say they hate Abba

 

That annoys me.

 

You can't hate Abba

Abba are for poofs

[Ohjimmyjimmy]

My wife's driving, honestly how much of a fucking drama can she make a car journey.

 

That's us arrived in Glasgow for the Semi (me going to match, her shopping) but she announces that she wants to drive down as she is heading back to Glasgow in a few weeks on her own and wants to get the experience (she's just turned 40 and has been driving for years).

 

Now, despite me having driven us to Glasgow for what must amount to hundreds of times, she actually has zero fucking clue of how to get there. Every roundabout or junction she starts screaming at me 'where do I go, which road do take' with the icing on the cake being us completely missing the Glasgow turnoff at Perth as she 'never seen the sign' - all this with the car sat nav also on.

 

Add is jerky wheel movements, braking at the last second for roundabouts, speeding up only to slow down and making screaming noises as she overtakes a lorry or bus (of which there was loads full of Tims and Dandies). Was nearly a divorce in the making.

 

At least when we drive back up the road I will hopefully be merrily pissed reflecting in an Aberdeen win but will probably wakeup in Thurso as opposed to Aberdeen if I leave her to get us home alone.

Just get fucking shitfaced and get he train back.

 

Problem solved. She how she gets on getting back up the road.

[Studebaker-90]

The roundabout at Broxburn

[BrianFaePerth]

People that welch on bets

[manboobs109]

^ not keen on that myself Brizo. Holding out hope for Cavey though. I reckon he'll honour his.

[BrianFaePerth]

Darkie is apparently the latest. No surprise really, fits his character.

[manboobs109]

It's only a tenner to charity. Not even 2 pints of his craft beers. Shocking.

[manboobs109]

We'll see how Moobzoid fares when Corbinator becomes supreme leader.

If that comes to pass I'll square you up. Have no worries on that score.

[manboobs109]

@@robbojunior can testify to me being a man of my word.

[BWG]

Bass players who pretend to be Irish.

[Arabian Knight]

wi aw these cunts shirkin bets it's time esk whas the biggest serpent oan here

[BrianFaePerth]

wi aw these cunts shirkin bets it's time esk whas the biggest serpent oan here

You

[Arabian Knight]

beast

[StandFree1982]

Watching Aberdeen at Hampden. 

[Poodler]

Our record at hampden/ v Celtic must be atrocious

[The Boofon]

wi aw these cunts shirkin bets it's time esk whas the biggest serpent oan here

 

 

You

 

 

beast

 

   

[manboobs109]

Ordered a pair of boots and got an email saying 'thank you for your reservation' I'd only reserved the fucking things so I'd get them 'first' when they are 'issued'

 

What a load of pretentious nonsense, reserving fucking boots. I need a pair of fucking boots now. Reservation cancelled different, but very similar, boots purchased.

[For Fecks Sake]

Kids party at Alford Ski center required a dress rehearsal a week in advance.

 

 

Thank fuck, thought my wife was the only one who did stuff like that. Seriously can you imagine saying that in the pub or after football training with your mates, you would get the absolute piss taken out of you.

 

"who's up for taking a drive out Longside way as we're playing them next week and I have never driven there before".

 

Then again with the current snowflake generation we have they would probably all agree to do just that while setting up a helpline for the stress involved.