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Pet Hates


StandFree1982

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It’s called a Car Park

 

The more I see of cunts the better a cunt I realise I am. 

 

Yesterday I'm coaching the loon's team, opposition coach starts screaming directly at one of my kids. repeatedly. 

 

Waited for the ref to say something, he doesn't, so I finally go over and tell him to pull his shit together and stop harassing a 12 year old kid. 

 

Later the coach comes up to me to complain one of my kids parents had 'threatened him'. Turned out he'd continued mouthing off at the same kid in the car park and the mother had told him to leave her kid the fuck alone. She's about 5'2" and 100lbs... and he felt threatened. Felt like panning the cunt's face in right there and then. 

 

"Take it up with the league, ye bampot." I offered helpfully and drove off. 

 

Absolute fucking shambles of a human being who loses his shit over a kids' match. But it's not even an isolated incident.

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Cunts that can’t pronounce simple words correctly.

 

It’s an espresso not a fucking expresso

Or Pacific for specific.

And when I did a short stint in the forces I had to go to Leconfield,but some thick cunts used to put an S in it to make it Leconsfield-spastics to a man/woman...

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I hate my postman. The fucker had left my gate open after delivering the mail for months, so i cracked and sought revenge. So i went for a walk one day armed with a freezer bag in search of a dogshit. After finding a suitable specimen i returned home grabbing a small branch of a tree and prepared for phase two of the operation.

 

Early the next morning i get ready after penning a letter for my postman and pinning it to the inside of my gate(he wouldn't see it until he leaves) then i grabbed my stick and used it like a spatula to smear the dogshit all over the latch of my gate. Then i sat at the window and waited.

 

The moment arrived and this annoying prick was oblivious, for about 1 second until he smelled his hand. I was laughing so hard i think folk in the next street heard me. So the postman didn't know what to do and actually threw my mail on the ground and turned to leave, not before he spotted his mail i left for him. 

 

I never got to see him read the letter but he completely understood because my gate has never been left open since. The letter said Dear postman, what is all over your hand right now is what a dog left in my garden after you left my gate open, how it managed to shit all over the latch is a mystery. 

 

Bonzo 1 Royal Mail 0

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Cunts that can’t pronounce simple words correctly.

 

It’s an espresso not a fucking expresso

Or Pacific for specific.

And when I did a short stint in the forces I had to go to Leconfield,but some thick cunts used to put an S in it to make it Leconsfield-spastics to a man/woman...

 

Torlet, instead of toilet

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I hated the milk man when I was younger because when he left the milk outside in the freezing temperatures it would freeze before I got up for my breakfast and I couldn’t eat my cornflakes before school, so I cracked and sought revenge...

 

The night before he came back to deliver 2 glass (it was the 80’s) bottles of full fat (again, 80’s) milk, I went out to the shed and got a shovel. I dug a massive hole in the path up to the front door of the house and filled it with lions and crocodiles then covered it up with sticks and leaves

 

I’ll tell you, he never left out milk out in the cold (or in any other climate) ever again.

 

Mobby 1 Milkman - Zilchoid

Those were the days, crocodiles were much easier to obtain then

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When I was a milkman back in the early 80's I used to hate it when I'd walk over an innocuous looking stick and leaf pathway to deliver my customers life enhancing frozen dairy products, only to plunge through them into a cunningly disguised pit containing bad tempered lions and crocodiles. The daily maulings I took would have killed a lesser man. Gave it all up after a couple of years and joined the postal service for my own safety.

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