The First Time You Ever...

[Ke1t]

Cut my ballsack shaving today...  reminded me of the first time I shaved my pubes. 

 

On a trip to Florida, got back to the hotel absolutely fucking shit-faced. Was about 100 degrees even with the AC on, and I was sweating and itching like a bastard. 

 

I finally decided, at about 3am or thereaboots, that shaving my pubes would alleviate the scratching, so I weaved my way to the bog and, grabbing the razor, started hacking the hair off my balls, arsehole, and anywhere in the vicinity.  In my pished state, with one leg on the sink and my heat-expanded nutsack swinging like a puchbag, I basically slashed repeatedly at my cock n balls with the cheap, disposable, unreliably manufactured Chinese razor until most of the hair and skin was lying on the floor in a bloody, hairy mess like an aborted dog. 

 

I'm not one for manscaping, but in the Summer months it's good to keep the undergrowth trimmed to a manageable level, if only for the sake of getting a night's sleep. 

 

What's something YOU did for the first time that you remember and want to post on here so that you can be the subject of abuse from people you barely fucking know?

 

 

 

 

[Ke1t]

My first ever post on this forum I was subjected to all sorts of abuse.   

 

People can be so mean, SH... there's no need for it. 

 

It doesn't cost anything to be nice to each other. 

 

[BrianFaePerth]

Masturbated in public?

[alscotoz]

What's something YOU did for the first time that you remember and want to post on here so that you can be the subject of abuse from people you barely fucking know?

 

Should be the name of this 'meeting place'.

[reekie_dock]

Met a man off the Internet he burst my nose @@ebbe

[BrianFaePerth]

I cut my testicles shaving yesterday also, weirdly enough.

 

Waiting my my Dollar Shave Club order, which still isn't here - and needed to manscape last night, gave the ba a wee nick, claret awai.

 

Never mind.

 

First Time You Ever.... there's quite a few things, but I'll have a think to myself regarding this topic of conversation.

Could you and kelt not shave each other's balls. Problem solved.

[Arabian Knight]

brian ye wir aw ower pondhopper lik a cheap suit the ither day there. Wan sniff eh fresh hoop n yer heed ower heels. ye takkin the cunt skinny dippin ir whit?

[BrianFaePerth]

brian ye wir aw ower pondhopper lik a cheap suit the ither day there. Wan sniff eh fresh hoop n yer heed ower heels. ye takkin the cunt skinny dippin ir whit?

No, he's all yours.

[BrianFaePerth]

It'll be a great achievement in 3 years when Bluto posts in here about his first time being in a ladies vagina.

 

What a buzz when he actually gets his hole for the first time.

3 years? Where's this optimism come from?

[ebbe]

Met a man off the Internet he burst my nose @@ebbe

Scorsese couldn’t of wrote this script.

[Bluto10]

3 years? Where's this optimism come from?

check out you two studs

 

LOL

[BrianFaePerth]

check out you two studs

 

LOL

Eh am in your side bloots, eh wouldn't have started thon thread to get you a ride otherwise.

[Arabian Knight]

If yer wantin tae help the cunt ye shid hae showed him yer ridin style, rapid deep thrusts n then ye slow it doon jist yasin yer buttock muscles tae grind doon

[BrianFaePerth]

If yer wantin tae help the cunt ye shid hae showed him yer ridin style, rapid deep thrusts n then ye slow it doon jist yasin yer buttock muscles tae grind doon

Yeah but my technique is for ladies, not really applicable for bloots

[Poodler]

Plural?

 

Adulterer

[Bluto10]

Plural?

Adulterer

Fat chance

He couldn’t pull in a brothel

 

 

.....

[BrianFaePerth]

Fat chance

He couldn’t pull in a brothel

 

 

.....

You said you'd keep quiet about that ffs

[The Boofon]

If yer wantin tae help the cunt ye shid hae showed him yer ridin style, rapid deep thrusts n then ye slow it doon jist yasin yer buttock muscles tae grind doon

A photo of his bed required before casting judgment.

[The Boofon]

Cut my ballsack shaving today... reminded me of the first time I shaved my pubes.

 

On a trip to Florida, got back to the hotel absolutely fucking shit-faced. Was about 100 degrees even with the AC on, and I was sweating and itching like a bastard.

 

I finally decided, at about 3am or thereaboots, that shaving my pubes would alleviate the scratching, so I weaved my way to the bog and, grabbing the razor, started hacking the hair off my balls, arsehole, and anywhere in the vicinity. In my pished state, with one leg on the sink and my heat-expanded nutsack swinging like a puchbag, I basically slashed repeatedly at my cock n balls with the cheap, disposable, unreliably manufactured Chinese razor until most of the hair and skin was lying on the floor in a bloody, hairy mess like an aborted dog.

 

I'm not one for manscaping, but in the Summer months it's good to keep the undergrowth trimmed to a manageable level, if only for the sake of getting a night's sleep.

 

What's something YOU did for the first time that you remember and want to post on here so that you can be the subject of abuse from people you barely fucking know?

I’ve only ever hid in a cupboard once. Never again.

[Ke1t]

I’ve only ever hid in a cupboard once. Never again.

 

I recall at the time you were called a fearty fanny because you hid in a cupboard, thus surviving the experience, instead of John McLaning the situation and using the ductwork to pick the Tallies aff one by one, thus getting your fucking heid blan aff and being deid.

 

It's okay for folk to think "I'd have done THIS..." in a given situation, but when you're in an actual life-threatening situation the survival instinct kicks in, and you find the nearest fucking cupboard, regardless of whether you're John Matrix or John Inman. 

 

If I had one criticism of that whole episode it was your fucking hair. 

 

Hopefully you've sorted that oot. 

[The Boofon]

I recall at the time you were called a fearty fanny because you hid in a cupboard, thus surviving the experience, instead of John McLaning the situation and using the ductwork to pick the Tallies aff one by one, thus getting your fucking heid blan aff and being deid.

 

It's okay for folk to think "I'd have done THIS..." in a given situation, but when you're in an actual life-threatening situation the survival instinct kicks in, and you find the nearest fucking cupboard, regardless of whether you're John Matrix or John Inman.

 

If I had one criticism of that whole episode it was your fucking hair.

 

Hopefully you've sorted that oot.

It’s the same at the moment as I’m at work. It gets a little tidy when I get home. I never got the chance that time as I got home unexpectedly.

 

If I was to go through the same experience again I’d hide in a wheelie bin. Cupboards are obvious places to hide these days. I started the trend and every cunt in an attack seems to be doing the same thing. The only way I’d get caught doing that is if I worked with that wifie who threw a cat into one.

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eYdUZdan5i8

 

As you can tell I’ve thought this through.

[Bluto10]

John Matrix

[Ke1t]

John Matrix

 

John Matrix.