daytripping Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I was 1 and she wis a 18 year old swedish babysitter, I'd just done a sh*t in my nappy and she was called to do the cleaning up deed, when my massive schlong fell out of the nappy when she'd unclipped the safety pin she couldn't help herself and basicaly burst out of the tight nurses uniform she was wearing, rode her like a bucking bronco for hours. Link to comment
tup Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Yer Ma wiz still breast feeding ye at 2? I canna mind, might have been my mither, I think I need regressive hypnotherapy in order to come up with some bizarre trumped up charges of forced incest and rape early doors, at the behest of a scrawled shorthand note fae some crackpot doctor written as I was 'under', after which I'll be told I'm traumatised, and my mither gets 20 years in the nick for breastfeeding under duress, and then maybe I'll get some compensation if I start laying it on thick that I'm not quite right these days specifically because of that incident, one that until 10 minutes ago I couldna remember, but that's the root of all my troubles, I f**king knew it! Cheers for that Betty, I've always wondered why everyone else was different from me, now I have the f**king answer and I'm away to blow the whistle. Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 i got my first shag on the final day of primary 7. instead of taking my board games to school i bunked off for the day, went down town and propped up the bar at my local.few hours later, chatted up a couple of nubile swedish au-pairs who were lost and looking for directions. after necking a few bottles of dom perignon we did 'the business' in one of the suites at the nearby farirmont. Link to comment
Betty Swallicks Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I canna mind, might have been my mither, I think I need regressive hypnotherapy in order to come up with some bizarre trumped up charges of forced incest and rape early doors, at the behest of a scrawled shorthand note fae some crackpot doctor written as I was 'under', after which I'll be told I'm traumatised, and my mither gets 20 years in the nick for breastfeeding under duress, and then maybe I'll get some compensation if I start laying it on thick that I'm not quite right these days specifically because of that incident, one that until 10 minutes ago I couldna remember, but that's the root of all my troubles, I f**king knew it! Cheers for that Betty, I've always wondered why everyone else was different from me, now I have the f**king answer and I'm away to blow the whistle. Nae problem. There is usually a reason for things if you think them through. Mind my 10%. Link to comment
ollie1903 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 15th birthday at the fence where the parkway straight up the dirt track from Glashieburn, in BOD. She had a lovely minge, she obviously had it all prepped for my entrance.It took a while, and we got interupted by a big white fluffy dog who's owner wouldn't stop whistling. Once finished I went home to find my folks had visitors in and calmly walkked into the living room where I discovered that my nice new green top had fanny blood all over it. Mum was none too pleased I was 6. Can't remember her name. Tupette, or something like that. It was ace. Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 My missus posts on here, so I'd prefer not too Have ye no telt her ye were a virgin when ye met? Link to comment
Robbie Winters Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 All you lucky lads with playmates etc, mine was just with an old scrubber that drank in a couple of city centre pubs that served under 18s. She stank of fags and Grants, had holes in her tights and tapped everyone for a drink, dirty old bag Link to comment
Betty Swallicks Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Frank Skinner lost his to a mankie old hooker. Quote "the smell was not to bad but judging by the colour of her pants her arse was a very heavy smoker". Link to comment
StandFree1982 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 some of these answers are hilarious... Link to comment
spamspamspam Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 age - 13where - my bedroom in a ma's hoosefa wee - the older next door neighbour, she was 15 lived in a semi, in more ways that one at that age. my bedroom was next to hers, at night she'd climb from hers into mine over the roof, she'd slip in, I'd slip in, batter batter batter and she'd slip hame again. f**king ideal woman now I come to think about it, wonder where she is now... time for a bit of facebook Link to comment
Nelly Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Frank Skinner lost his to a mankie old hooker. Quote "the smell was not to bad but judging by the colour of her pants her arse was a very heavy smoker". Followed by "it was a business doing pleasure with you" Link to comment
StandFree1982 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 While still fresh and warm in the womb, I turned around and noticed a gorgeous bit of stuff curled up beside me. I cooly edged my way towards her and began dancing along to the rhythm coming from the pumping heart, she responded by tugging on my cord until I kicked out in pleasure. I have always wondered what happened to that sexy bald chick, I told my sister what happened but she's not spoken to me since. Link to comment
dazzy_deff Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I was 15 and had been seeing my girlfriend for a couple of months.Had to settle with blowjobs for a while then humped her for the first time at my parents house. Looking back we were horrendous but thought I was f**kin ace at the time. We went out for just under a year so were at it like rabbits once we had done it the first time. Split up when she turned all chavvy then she started seeing a mink...although met up with her about 4 years ago randomly in town and nailed her again for old times sake a couple of times, behind the same guys back and who is now her husband. Superb. Link to comment
granite sheep Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Pulled random bird in the Mudd Club, didnae let on that it was ma first time, was pornographic to say the least Link to comment
ollie1903 Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Potterton disco oot by the playparkMy Mrs was a regular Potterton Discoer At the Torry Battery in his dad's Ford Cortina MkIII, passenger seat reclined.Quite enjoyed it actuallyYaaaaassssss, filthy bint Link to comment
The Boofon Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Don't hang about for years like I did, I turn 27 next week so decided to just pay my way away from the big V tag which I have despised and got myself down about for many years. Get yerself down to a sauna or what I did and get some 'escort' for a late night visit. Sure it cost me, but not much more than a night out in Edinburgh would. Feckin brill min, get fired into the nearest lassy in that profession! It is well worth it. Course, maybe now instead of me being a loser virgin, I'm now a loser who used an escort for my first time. But to that I think who cares! Get it done mini! I'm sure I could retell the tale as it could rival one of Millertime's worser efforts! Bravo Podge. I believe you have also hit a fitness regime as you were quite a large fella. Now this escort you mention. Just how tidy and how dirty was she? Link to comment
Sonoftherock Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I'm sure I could retell the tale as it could rival one of Millertime's worser efforts! ... try us! Link to comment
Big Man Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Don't hang about for years like I did, I turn 27 next week so decided to just pay my way away from the big V tag which I have despised and got myself down about for many years. Get yerself down to a sauna or what I did and get some 'escort' for a late night visit. Sure it cost me, but not much more than a night out in Edinburgh would. Feckin brill min, get fired into the nearest lassy in that profession! It is well worth it. Course, maybe now instead of me being a loser virgin, I'm now a loser who used an escort for my first time. But to that I think who cares! Get it done mini! I'm sure I could retell the tale as it could rival one of Millertime's worser efforts! Congratulations Podge. But, im disgusted your friends would even let you get to 27 without a shag - there must of been a wee bird somewhere they could of sorted you out with? Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 The youth of today In my day there was fanny tae be fired in to long afore a man was 27. Link to comment
Chrisyboy81 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Don't hang about for years like I did, I turn 27 next week so decided to just pay my way away from the big V tag which I have despised and got myself down about for many years. Get yerself down to a sauna or what I did and get some 'escort' for a late night visit. Sure it cost me, but not much more than a night out in Edinburgh would. Feckin brill min, get fired into the nearest lassy in that profession! It is well worth it. Course, maybe now instead of me being a loser virgin, I'm now a loser who used an escort for my first time. But to that I think who cares! Get it done mini! I'm sure I could retell the tale as it could rival one of Millertime's worser efforts!Fair play to you mate, thing I don't understand is how you never banged some munter on a night out. There's hunderds of likely ladies on a weekend who'll fuck you daft for the price of a vodka and coke. Surely you must have had some offers before now? Still though I'm glad you've dipped your wick, you'll have a taste for it now you'll be firing through them like Dirk Diggler in no time! Link to comment
phoenix Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Neen o' your business ! Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Neen o' your business ! Was this her 'Nixx? Link to comment
RUL Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Don't hang about for years like I did, I turn 27 next week so decided to just pay my way away from the big V tag which I have despised and got myself down about for many years. Get yerself down to a sauna or what I did and get some 'escort' for a late night visit. Sure it cost me, but not much more than a night out in Edinburgh would. Feckin brill min, get fired into the nearest lassy in that profession! It is well worth it. Course, maybe now instead of me being a loser virgin, I'm now a loser who used an escort for my first time. But to that I think who cares! Get it done mini! I'm sure I could retell the tale as it could rival one of Millertime's worser efforts!wasnt my first but was in a boring as fuck relationship so used vice services! Split up with the bird later and i told my now wife the story, shes disgusted and i think thats a wonens take on it, wish i hadnt told her hah! As experiences go it was shit but at the time it was alreet, its not how i imagined it to be, she was even more boring than the bird i was with and "30 quid extra for that" defo puts you off your stride Link to comment
BrianFaePerth Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 wasnt my first but was in a boring as fuck relationship so used vice services! Split up with the bird later and i told my now wife the story, shes disgusted and i think thats a wonens take on it, wish i hadnt told her hah! As experiences go it was shit but at the time it was alreet, its not how i imagined it to be, she was even more boring than the bird i was with and "30 quid extra for that" defo puts you off your stride Never been wi a prossie or escort, but back in the day eh had an understanding wi a great wee burd. She was an au-pair (no in my employ), and needed a few extra quid. Eh wid ring her up, say come on round, and for a few notes we got our freak on. She was fantastic in the sack and eh wasnae forking out any more than taking some burd oot for dinner and drinks followed by a disappointment. Link to comment
dazzy_deff Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Done it loads of times when abroad on lads holidays/scotland trips etc. Magic. Link to comment
Chrisyboy81 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I've never been we a hoor either it's not my cup of tea, I'm not knocking it, I just don't fancy it. I just reckon it would be awkward as fuck, although if large amounts of alcohol was involved it would negate the awkwardness. Like I said earlier there's plenty munters who'd be glad of the ride for SFA, so why bother paying? Still never say never. Link to comment
phoenix Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Sign of good health a sexual appetite. Nae libido = lack of good spirit or energy , avoid quines wi' nae sexual appetite. In fact fowk wi' nae energy in general need tae gie themsels a shak. It's dietary , y'ken? Oo'er muckle ' yin ' food. Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Done it loads of times when abroad on lads holidays/scotland trips etc. Magic. you tha man. Link to comment
dazzy_deff Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 you tha man. Ive kint that for years, dinna need you to tell me that pal. Link to comment
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