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What’s the closest you have come to dying?


Fridge

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As per another thread.

 

I was once driving down South Deeside Road, came round the corner and there was a car coming head on toward me on the wrong side.

 

Some foreign boy who had came out of Ardoe and forgot which side of the road to drive on.

 

Also got caught adrift at the beach and I’m a shit swimmer, waves going over my heid and was swallowing water. Thought it was tatties.

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Similar to the swimming one. Got dragged into rocks (posted it before) and smashed against them Couldn't climb on any of the cunts due to their slippery nature. Im a decent swimmer btw. Not really sure how I got out, but I genuinely though I was going to meet my maker.

 

Been electrocuted a few times as well with mains voltage and managed to survive. Nothing like feeling that AC voltage pulsing through your body. Horrible.

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Me and an ex were visiting New York, and (as you do) we went to visit the Empire State Building

 

We got to the top and did the usual - looked through the binocular things etc, then unbeknown to me a small child had discarded a banana skin on the ground

 

I stepped onto, then slipped on it and fell off the top (of the ESB) to what I thought was going to be my certain death

 

Luckily for me, the family that was living next door to the ESB were having a children’s birthday party c/w bouncy castle

 

I landed on top of the gazebo and then on to the birthday cake, which broke my fall

 

A bloody close call, I think you’d agree

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Guest milne_afc

Crashed/uncontrolled wheelied a child's motorbike into a lamppost while high on crack cocaine. The drugs probably saved my life.

 

So let that be a lesson to you.

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Too many to count... here's a few choice stories of courage and survival. 

 

The McDonalds in Nevsky Prospect in St Petersburg,  Russia, went in there to order breakfast (in Russian, no fucking less), and only a few years after I stepped out of the building a terrorist bomb blew the fucking thing up.  Close call. I'm not saying I was the target.. but who the fuck blows up a McDonalds unless they know someone in particular is in there ordering a McSoviet Muffin?

 

Driving back to Aberdeen from Tomintoul, a stripper in the passenger seat, going through the mountains... spending more time staring at her tits than looking at the nighttime, icy, winter road... miss a turn, blaze through a fence into pitch dark open air. Thought we'd gone off the side of the mountain and was about to Kelta and Louise it all the way to the bottom of the glen a million feet below. Screamed like a girl, might even have sharted a little, until we come to rest in some teuchter's field, a total dip of a few feet. It was a strippery miracle. 

 

Canoeing down a river in the wilds of the Midwest, had been raining for days and the water was deep as shit and fast as fuck. Smash into a low hanging branch  as we round a bend in the river and dump about a thousand mental wolf spiders into the canoe with us. Immediately one of the occupants freaks the fuck out as these spiders swarm us... canoe is rapidly tipped and we end up getting swept off with our upturned canoe. 

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Driving a FS1E bike one day as a 14 year old, was stuck in 2nd gear, thing was a wreck, brakes were crap, nae helmet giving it laldie when the throttle stuck open, should have just jumped off but stayed with it, will never know how I took some corners and missed cars, eventually dawned on me to turn the petrol tap off, it saved my life.

 

Krakow, mate thought I was dead after I was knocked oot.

 

Leading the battle of Ibrox in 85, was like the film 300.

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Driving a FS1E bike one day as a 14 year old, was stuck in 2nd gear, thing was a wreck, brakes were crap, nae helmet giving it laldie when the throttle stuck open, should have just jumped off but stayed with it, will never know how I took some corners and missed cars, eventually dawned on me to turn the petrol tap off, it saved my life.

 

Krakow, mate thought I was dead after I was knocked oot.

 

Leading the battle of Ibrox in 85, was like the film 300.

What happened in Krakow?

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Years ago decided at the end of a night out to carry my good lady up the stone steps to our third floor tenement flat. My romantic and chivalrous act was undone when we hit the giggles and toppled back arse over tit down a dozen stone steps. Convinced it was only fact we were hammered and that gave us cat like flexibility that saved us from death / broken bones.

 

Think it made the sex better

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Just remembered...fought half a dozen security guards on the 4th floor walk way of a Tenerife shithole 18/30 hotel years ago, rooms to one side, fall to death the other, was brutal, have pictures somewhere, next day I was black and blue all over from the batons. Next day reps tried to kick us out but we kicked up such a fuss and asked for the police they let us stay, next night we just fought them on the ground floor.

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Nearly died in a headlock from Stinky Garth in '06

 

 

 

Kelt, I drove that road yesterday. Was up Ben Rinnes and had lunch at the old bridge of Livet. There were no strippers involved, disappointingly

No dangerous bends on that road either.

 

Got kidnapped* from Al Queda and survived without being beheaded.

 

Top that fuckers.

 

 

*experience has been changed for effect.

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Nearly died in a headlock from Stinky Garth in '06

 

 

 

Kelt, I drove that road yesterday. Was up Ben Rinnes and had lunch at the old bridge of Livet. There were no strippers involved, disappointingly

 

Once stabbed a guy who had me in a headlock. 

 

Got into a bit of soapy for that. 

 

The Tomintoul - Aberdeen drive is always better when you've a tidy lassie half oot a Naughty Policewoman uniform sat next to you, although it does make that drive a fuck sight more treacherous. 

 

Worth the risk, tbh. 

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Guest milne_afc

Having a knife pulled on you, sitting in the vicinity of a shootout or being kidnapped aren't near death experiences. A nuisance - yes, but at no time could it be described as 'near death'. Nobody has ever died of fear.

 

1903, mini and boof have to pick again.

 

I survived a drunk driver mounting a kerb and smashing into my bmx.

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No dangerous bends on that road either.

 

Got kidnapped* from Al Queda and survived without being beheaded.

 

Top that fuckers.

 

 

*experience has been changed for effect.

 

Don't recall saying it was a dangerous bend. 

 

Hiding in a wardrobe while Muslim bampots execute other people isn't a near death experience, you mop-heided fearty. 

 

Walk it off. 

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Having a knife pulled on you, sitting in the vicinity of a shootout or being kidnapped aren't near death experiences. A nuisance - yes, but at no time could it be described as 'near death'. Nobody has ever died of fear.

 

1903, mini and boof have to pick again.

 

I survived a drunk driver mounting a kerb and smashing into my bmx.

I borrowed my brothers racer in primary seven and my swimming bag got jammed in the front spikes flipping me over the handlebars rendering my unconscious. 27 stitches and a week in Elgin hospital.

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Guest milne_afc

I borrowed my brothers racer in primary seven and my swimming bag got jammed in the front spikes flipping me over the handlebars rendering my unconscious. 27 stitches and a week in Elgin hospital.

Magic. Mind all the yoots had a racer at one point, used for stunts and long skids.

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Once walking to the train station in Glasgow my mate was wearing an Aberdeen top. Had been at a concert and we were getting the train to Dunfermline for the game before going home.

 

Got clocked by a few Huns who went back into the bar and basically got everybody out.

 

By absolute sheer luck a taxi turned up and we jumped in other wise a monumental hiding was away to be dished out.

 

To them obvs.

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