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Pensions


sooth_stander

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Holiday in columbia, have a look for pablos barrels of dollars round and about what's left of the hacienda. I'm sure there is a spaniel out there that can sniff out dollars, barrels of the stuff. Along with barrels of bodies dissolved in acid. Speaking of acid, that Christmas classic "a is for acid" must be on at some point.

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When it comes to your cash I recommend going to the professionals.

 

Like this Sam Cowan fella. 

 

You might, like me, look at Sam and go, "Oocha!" But never judge a book by its cover. By 92% of accounts he's the top dog in Aberdeen, and that would be more than good enough for me. 

 

Best decision I ever made was getting a lad like Sam there involved in my finances, because I'm a fucking idiot with money. A couple of years ago I'd started the process whereby I would own an abandoned mining town in Utah. It was a fucking STEAL.... but the wife stepped in and pointed out that I'm a fucking idiot with money, therefore it made no financial sense to buy an abandoned shanty town deep in the hills of darkest Mormon country.  Our 'Sam' agreed with her.

 

Pair of cunts. 

 

Anyway, my advice to you is this. 

 

If you're looking for pension advice go down to your bank, withdraw the 80 grand in cash, and drive the 1600 miles to Utah with the money in a big hessian sack like they do in the cartoons, sign the paperwork, then drive the last few hundred miles into the desert before calling the wife to tell her you've fucking bought your kingdom and if she wants to talk to you about YOUR fiscal decisions then she's going to have to apply for a permit to enter the town limits of Keltborough in the newly founded Kingdom of Keltland. 

 

Here's the thing, though... you'll never grant her a permit, the bitch. Trying to fuck with my plans to rule supreme. 

 

I can't even remember what the question was. 

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It’s the same as all investment, stocks, etc depends on how much of a gambler you are, how old you are.

 

Get a portfolio of safe as fuck assets like property, big companies etc that you hope will be a safe bet then gamble a bit on start up companies etc

 

Fuck knows what Brexit will mean but there will be guaranteed a shit load of cash to make and lose on the stock exchange.

 

But take a small relative small punt on that and make sure most of your money is spread over big companies and hope they don’t go tits up due to a sex scandal or some shit.

 

That or fire all your cash on Dad’s football tips and hope you’ve gone the way of Blutz before you need a pension.

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I work in pensions but not qualified to give any advice. Passed my FA2 exam last year though.

 

If I was able to advise I'd probably say put it in an ISA or property.

 

I will probably put my pension into Flexi access drawdown in 7 years when I am eligible to take it. Assuming the legislation doesn't change.

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