If an intruder entered your home

[Fridge]

What is the actual law, reasonable force? If someone broke in and I took them out with a 7iron then tortured them I assume I would get done?

[Bluto10]

Or a rounderz bat

my 4 cell mag light would do the job

small enough to be wielded swiftly and solid enough for a kosh

blind them first in the dark than cave their head in

 

works every time in the movies

[Studebaker-90]

Which hatters house would you least like to break in to?

[Bluto10]

with or without a gas mask?

[Studebaker-90]

with or without a gas mask?

Love U2

[Studebaker-90]

Must have been a hammer blow ^

[Studebaker-90]

Hopefully somebody saw who did it

[Guest milne_afc]

What a wrench.

[Simply Red]

what if he throws you a googilllly?

Love search engines

[Zeus]

We had some North Face clad ‘gangtarz’ fae Mastrick try all the front doors and motors in our street(kingswells) a few weeks ago. Arrested the next day because they are aids ridden spastic mutants. No qualms with playfully smashing the fuck out of any of those cunts with the hammer i keep for such occasions.

Very close to Matrick/Shedz to be fair.

 

I sometimes cut about in a NF hoody but more than likely only nipping round to the co-op. Dinna go full vigilante on me pls

[The Boofon]

What if someone was trying to break into your house?

Tickle him.

[Hewitt a the pies]

Our garage got broken into once and they stole all my dad’s tools .

 

My dad was raging.

Did he call the vice squad?

[Studebaker-90]

They’d only screw up the investigation

[The Boofon]

I’d use a pen. You could kill a tiger armed only with a biro.

[Hewitt a the pies]

They’d only screw up the investigation

Yep you know the drill.

[Studebaker-90]

I’d use a pen. You could kill a tiger armed only with a biro.

Could you take a man from behind boof?

[reekie_dock]

Battered to death with the 12” black dildo in the bedside drawer

 

lock stock style

[maryhilldon]

How many times have you had to use it Parko?

 

You sound well experienced.

 

Step up on the security if you’re getting so many intrusions.

It's tuff in da hood. Kill or be killed.

[maryhilldon]

Bingo.

 

The kind of folk who would attempt to deploy a baseball bat indoors are the same kind of folk who would take armoured vehicles into dense urban areas.

Soldiers?

[maryhilldon]

I keep a pot of boiling oil on the heat and sleep in the kitchen.

[Hewitt a the pies]

I keep a pot of boiling oil on the heat and sleep in the kitchen.

Don't you have central heating Maryhill?

[maryhilldon]

I dug one of those pits with spikes at the bottom and covered it with branches. In my hall.

[maryhilldon]

Don't you have central heating Maryhill?

I do but ripping the radiator off the wall would take away the element of surprise.

[shut up meg]

Don’t get the fascination with baseball bats.

A cricket bat would be better . As the intruder approaches you actually take the stance as if about to be bowled at by a spin bowler .

Anticipate early , get a decent contact on the cunt and knock it to mid off stump , inside wicket.

Whatever that means .

A rolling pin is a better option, a baseball bat is not good in tight spaces, you'd probably end up knocking fuck out of your walls in the landing/lobby.

The law will also ask less questions about a rolling pin in the house.

[Fridge]

Would be worth leaving your window ajar and hoping a Hun broke in.

 

He’s thinking he’s away to nail your stereo and sell it down the pub.

 

Meanwhile your primed behind the door with a sock filled with golf balls and a pan full of boiling water.

[Hewitt a the pies]

I do but ripping the radiator off the wall would take away the element of surprise.

Imagine his surprise at your spazzy strength though!

[maryhilldon]

Imagine his surprise at your spazzy strength though!

True, might even diffuse the situation.

[Hewitt a the pies]

Not so good if mrs Mobz demands one of her cuddles .

or an itchy arse.

[maryhilldon]

I litter bear traps around the house and take out all the light bulbs. If they take a torch it's on to plan B.

[maryhilldon]

Every night before I do to bed I set the house up like Culkin did in Home Alone to pretend there’s a party in full swing.

Bluts does that in the pub.