When younger, we had a great rope swing that went over a burn and had been up a while. One day the handle decided to snap when my sister was mid-flight and she literally flew in to the bushes and crap at the side of the burn. Looking back, she could've easily taken an eye out or really hurt herself there. I went up the road pishing myself laughing to the point my parents thought I had been injured.
More recently (in the last 10 years), when working in the Bucksburn bookie, I had to bar a local jakey because he had decided to open a bottle of cider on the toilet bowl (can't imagine a worse place than a bookie toilet bowl to put a bottle before drinking it) and cracked the whole thing, making it beyond use. When I was barring him and he decided to explain he was in the toilet "but nae with bottles, haeing a fucken shite", it is up there with the finest bullshit I have heard in my puff. He then offered me a square go beside the Irish Lottery tickets and stomped out, saying I need to be careful. Seen him in the local shop a couple days after, not a peep from him.