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Cats...


Dandyesque

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Had a couple of Hamiltons at my door twice today moaning my cat has shit on their lawn, I debated that it could have been any cat but caught bang to rights on cctv, I went and picked it up, they then came back and knocked again and asked what I planned to do to stop it happening again. Lost my patience then, after they tried telling me cats could be taught where to shit I closed the door on them and words were exchanged.

 

Any tips on training an 11 year old outside cat who on good days looks at everyone like they're a piece of shit? I say impossible. :)

Phone the polis and accuse them of using the cctv to spy on bairns walking on the pavements. Probably totally innocent but inconvenient and embarrassing for them nonetheless. A whisper in the right ear and you could have a baying mob of vigilantes camped outside their driveway.

Everyones a winner and your cat will be free to roam and empty its guts wherever he/she pleases.

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I like both feline and canine mammals, but don't choose to share my home with them. My experience of many people's homes who own dogs is that they often have a strong, offensive aroma. Usually those with larger dogs.

I have also heard people declare that they chose a short haired beast to limit the smell in their house - when visiting their abodes invariably reek like Barbara Woodhouse's jim-jams.

To summarise, if you own a dog your house stinks. You just don't notice it, everyone else does.

I agree . Foul smell. Usually down to the owners having no domestic cleaning regime and poor personal hygiene as well .

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I like both feline and canine mammals, but don't choose to share my home with them. My experience of many people's homes who own dogs is that they often have a strong, offensive aroma. Usually those with larger dogs.

I have also heard people declare that they chose a short haired beast to limit the smell in their house - when visiting their abodes invariably reek like Barbara Woodhouse's jim-jams.

To summarise, if you own a dog your house stinks. You just don't notice it, everyone else does.

If you don't notice it why give a fuck about it? The benefits of having a dog far outweigh some knobber like you thinking your house smells.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Cats and dogs are fantastic; I understand people dont like them - but to me, these folk are talking shite. I've always recognised an uncanny knack within cats and dogs to recognise evil within a person - which is generally met with growling/hissing/scratching/biting - a shocking moment at the time; but believe me - when that prick is being jailed for molesting a donkey or whatever - you soon side with the wee puss puss or doggy. Can tell you without doubt that Blutos hombre deserved every scratch he received (like you all didnt know).

 

Dayts - these cunts are just looking for a pot to stir; quite literally the best way to deal with it, is by doing absolutely nothing. Listen to what they say, say ok, then go about your day. Repeat these steps when they re-occur. Then film the cunt doing whatever damage/mischief he will eventually do. Upload the video to twitter.com/pigs, and hey presto - sorted.

 

Absolutely. Our cat attacked one of Mrs BWGs mates' lads, which aroused my suspicion and indicated that he was probably a paedophile. As it turned out the truth was much worse, he was actually a hun. I immediately ejected him from the household and gave the cat a biscuit treat. He celebrated by licking his own arsehole for about half an hour and then went to sleep. Good boy.

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Absolutely. Our cat attacked one of Mrs BWGs mates' lads, which aroused my suspicion and indicated that he was probably a paedophile. As it turned out the truth was much worse, he was actually a hun. I immediately ejected him from the household and gave the cat a biscuit treat. He celebrated by licking his own arsehole for about half an hour and then went to sleep. Good boy.

Haha, love it
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Absolutely. Our cat attacked one of Mrs BWGs mates' lads, which aroused my suspicion and indicated that he was probably a paedophile. As it turned out the truth was much worse, he was actually a hun. I immediately ejected him from the household and gave the cat a biscuit treat. He celebrated by licking his own arsehole for about half an hour and then went to sleep. Good boy.

 

Raises an interesting point. If you knew you were flexible enough to lick your own arsehole would you?

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  • 1 month later...

My daughter's homework once consisted of fwriting a poem about their pet. Which was a cat.

 

They had to read it out in front of the class.

. She'd written this get long poem about Puff but I took the paper from her bag and replaced it with my own poem, as follows;

 

Cats are cool cats are nice,

They don't like birds and they don't like mice

They sleep all day and half of the night

The only time they go out when's they're needing a shite.

 

 

 

She didn't see the funny side, I did.

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  • 1 year later...

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