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Dandyesque

Cats...

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Dogs don't sniff your balls when there's no one about . They do it solely to embarrass the sniffee.

 

Cunts.

Try washing your balls

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Old wifey next to me has just told me one of her cats is pregnant and she's going to keep the female kittens. She's already got 8 cats. My wife is going to go fucking nuts. Asked if I wanted one of the kittens. Mad old cunt.

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A pal of mine, some years ago pulled a random and took her back to his then flat in B.O.D.

He had a young Collie and the thing was very excitable.

According to my pal whilst he was taking the lassie from behind the dog wandered into the bedroom as the door was ajar and proceeded lick my pals balls as he was thrusting in and out of the unsuspecting lass who was now involved in some kinky 3way. I can only imagine that the dangling bollocks bouncing and slapping made the dog think it was some sort of game.

It didn't put my pal off of his stroke and he just carried on.

I reckon he enjoyed it.

 

Why have I only just noticed this post, classic :hysterical:

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My cat Floyd is almost 20 years old, and more part of my family than my own son. If you, or any of your cat hating ilk tried that shit on him, I'd take your fucking throat out.

 

I've got an old Floyd too. Russian blue, 17 years old. I'd also hurt anyone that touched my cats.

Edited by a don in oz

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I like both feline and canine mammals, but don't choose to share my home with them. My experience of many people's homes who own dogs is that they often have a strong, offensive aroma. Usually those with larger dogs.

I have also heard people declare that they chose a short haired beast to limit the smell in their house - when visiting their abodes invariably reek like Barbara Woodhouse's jim-jams.

To summarise, if you own a dog your house stinks. You just don't notice it, everyone else does.

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Had a couple of Hamiltons at my door twice today moaning my cat has shit on their lawn, I debated that it could have been any cat but caught bang to rights on cctv, I went and picked it up, they then came back and knocked again and asked what I planned to do to stop it happening again. Lost my patience then, after they tried telling me cats could be taught where to shit I closed the door on them and words were exchanged.

 

Any tips on training an 11 year old outside cat who on good days looks at everyone like they're a piece of shit? I say impossible. :)

Phone the polis and accuse them of using the cctv to spy on bairns walking on the pavements. Probably totally innocent but inconvenient and embarrassing for them nonetheless. A whisper in the right ear and you could have a baying mob of vigilantes camped outside their driveway.

Everyones a winner and your cat will be free to roam and empty its guts wherever he/she pleases.

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I like both feline and canine mammals, but don't choose to share my home with them. My experience of many people's homes who own dogs is that they often have a strong, offensive aroma. Usually those with larger dogs.

I have also heard people declare that they chose a short haired beast to limit the smell in their house - when visiting their abodes invariably reek like Barbara Woodhouse's jim-jams.

To summarise, if you own a dog your house stinks. You just don't notice it, everyone else does.

I agree . Foul smell. Usually down to the owners having no domestic cleaning regime and poor personal hygiene as well .

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I like both feline and canine mammals, but don't choose to share my home with them. My experience of many people's homes who own dogs is that they often have a strong, offensive aroma. Usually those with larger dogs.

I have also heard people declare that they chose a short haired beast to limit the smell in their house - when visiting their abodes invariably reek like Barbara Woodhouse's jim-jams.

To summarise, if you own a dog your house stinks. You just don't notice it, everyone else does.

If you don't notice it why give a fuck about it? The benefits of having a dog far outweigh some knobber like you thinking your house smells.

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I agree . Foul smell. Usually down to the owners having no domestic cleaning regime and poor personal hygiene as well .

Havers. Houses with dogs smell like dog because a dog lives there.

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Havers. Houses with dogs smell like dog because a dog lives there.

Wrong . Not all dog houses smell. Just the ones with mink owners .

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Wrong . Not all dog houses smell. Just the ones with mink owners .

I believe the statement you agreed with was 'If you own a dog your house stinks' but now you disagree. Make your mind up.

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I believe the statement you agreed with was 'If you own a dog your house stinks' but now you disagree. Make your mind up.

It's cool moobs. To be honest I dont really give a fuck either way . Each to their own . Peace brother .

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It's cool moobs. To be honest I dont really give a fuck either way . Each to their own . Peace brother .

Fair doo's man. I'm being a cunt. Apologies. You're one of the good cunts on here.

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The best is when you have a wee puss puss and a wee doggy and theyre best buddies - sleeping next to each other, licking each others faces, play fighting - all those things you regularly see on youtube/imgur/instagram and all those places.

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Cats and dogs are fantastic; I understand people dont like them - but to me, these folk are talking shite. I've always recognised an uncanny knack within cats and dogs to recognise evil within a person - which is generally met with growling/hissing/scratching/biting - a shocking moment at the time; but believe me - when that prick is being jailed for molesting a donkey or whatever - you soon side with the wee puss puss or doggy. Can tell you without doubt that Blutos hombre deserved every scratch he received (like you all didnt know).

 

Dayts - these cunts are just looking for a pot to stir; quite literally the best way to deal with it, is by doing absolutely nothing. Listen to what they say, say ok, then go about your day. Repeat these steps when they re-occur. Then film the cunt doing whatever damage/mischief he will eventually do. Upload the video to twitter.com/pigs, and hey presto - sorted.

 

Absolutely. Our cat attacked one of Mrs BWGs mates' lads, which aroused my suspicion and indicated that he was probably a paedophile. As it turned out the truth was much worse, he was actually a hun. I immediately ejected him from the household and gave the cat a biscuit treat. He celebrated by licking his own arsehole for about half an hour and then went to sleep. Good boy.

Edited by BWG
  • Upvote 7

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Absolutely. Our cat attacked one of Mrs BWGs mates' lads, which aroused my suspicion and indicated that he was probably a paedophile. As it turned out the truth was much worse, he was actually a hun. I immediately ejected him from the household and gave the cat a biscuit treat. He celebrated by licking his own arsehole for about half an hour and then went to sleep. Good boy.

Haha, love it

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Absolutely. Our cat attacked one of Mrs BWGs mates' lads, which aroused my suspicion and indicated that he was probably a paedophile. As it turned out the truth was much worse, he was actually a hun. I immediately ejected him from the household and gave the cat a biscuit treat. He celebrated by licking his own arsehole for about half an hour and then went to sleep. Good boy.

 

Raises an interesting point. If you knew you were flexible enough to lick your own arsehole would you?

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Raises an interesting point. If you knew you were flexible enough to lick your own arsehole would you?

 

Doubtful.

 

I'd be too busy sucking my cock.

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The best is when you have a wee puss puss and a wee doggy and theyre best buddies - sleeping next to each other, licking each others faces, play fighting - all those things you regularly see on youtube/imgur/instagram and all those places.

 

They'd be traitors to their species.

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My daughter's homework once consisted of fwriting a poem about their pet. Which was a cat.

 

They had to read it out in front of the class.

. She'd written this get long poem about Puff but I took the paper from her bag and replaced it with my own poem, as follows;

 

Cats are cool cats are nice,

They don't like birds and they don't like mice

They sleep all day and half of the night

The only time they go out when's they're needing a shite.

 

 

 

She didn't see the funny side, I did.

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