First Hatter in Space

[Ramandu]

The European Space Agency is taking applications to be an astronaut, starting today. It's been two decades since the last round of applications, the one where Tim Peake got selected. The UK is a member (it's nothing to do with the EU), so you're free to apply (well, not the Canadians). All you need is

- Masters degree (or higher) in science, engineering or medicine

- At least 3 years of experience working after uni

- Speak English (and ideally another language)

- Be under 50

I bet there's a few on here who meet those requirements. You should apply, and become the first hatter in space.

[Ramandu]

7 minutes ago, Sooper-hanz said:

I meet the criteria but fuck going to space . I’d genuinely rather go back to Benidorm and I hated it there . 

What could be cooler than going to space? Not Benidorm, that's for sure. Have you even seen star wars?

[Studebaker-90]

Space would be shit 

[Studebaker-90]

Lock people out of the shuttle 

[Henry]

Replace the oxygen supply with helium, so the lads talk all squeaky 

[BrianFaePerth]

51 minutes ago, Ramandu said:

The European Space Agency is taking applications to be an astronaut, starting today. It's been two decades since the last round of applications, the one where Tim Peake got selected. The UK is a member (it's nothing to do with the EU), so you're free to apply (well, not the Canadians). All you need is

- Masters degree (or higher) in science, engineering or medicine

- At least 3 years of experience working after uni

- Speak English (and ideally another language)

- Be under 50

I bet there's a few on here who meet those requirements. You should apply, and become the first hatter in space.

Eh meet they criteria. As long as we launch before September.

[Ramandu]

27 minutes ago, Bad_Mobby said:

I read yesterday that your heart shrinks in space due to lack of exercise 

just something to think about before travelling 

And your bones decay through lack of use. But most astronauts live to a ripe old age, and it can't be worse for me than a year of sitting on my backside due to lockdown.

[BrianFaePerth]

2 minutes ago, Dad said:

You'd have a red tag in your locker at the end of morning one you wee arsehole

a morning closer to space than you’d come you old prick 

[Studebaker-90]

 

[Ramandu]

48 minutes ago, Sooper-hanz said:

I’d love it if it was like Star Wars. Instead it would be logging technical readings and eating packs of dried food. The highlight would be taking rock samples.

Going for a shite would involve a whole chain of procedures that by the time you had completed and had authorisation from mission control,you’d have shat your spacesuit anyway.

No rock samples till we go back to the moon, just mucking about on the international space station at the moment. And not much time in a space suit either, it's not like you've got to go outside much. I think you get a nappy when you're in one though.

[BrianFaePerth]

There you go dad. A negotiation tactic. Waive the under 50 requirement and tell them you can provide your own nappies

[Redforever86]

I’d probably do a day trip, wee bit of weightless fucking about, some good views of earth, try the local space IPA and some of that wee ice cream balls. Get some duty free and home for bed time. 

[Zeus]

Going into space is a terrifying thought IYAM. 

Should send a rocket full of huns to the sun.  Or into a black hole 

[Poodler]

If that’s too expensive, just crash it into BoD

[Zeus]

I mean if it was an experiment, see how they last.  

Little chance of any of them meeting the criteria listed in the OP 

 

[Quagmire]

Good chance for FFS to prove he’s got a Masters. 

[Henry]

3 hours ago, BrianFaePerth said:

Eh meet they criteria. As long as we launch before September.

Old cunt. 

[Parklife]

@Dad has already been to space 

 

[Ramandu]

Not many children in space though.

[G31DON]

2 hours ago, Zeus said:

Going into space is a terrifying thought IYAM. 

Should send a rocket full of huns to the sun.  Or into a black hole 

 

2 hours ago, Dad said:

Aye here Zeus son - bit bond villian that one haha (and expensive)

 

'send them to space and aim them at sun bwahaha - we'll assume it all's goes to plan'

 

Unnecessary extravagance if you ask me

 

You underestimate people's generosity dad. 

 

[Studebaker-90]

38 minutes ago, Parklife said:

@Dad has already been to space 

 

Who would you want to be blasted in to space with. Potential new thread. 

[Ramandu]

2 minutes ago, Sooper-hanz said:

Some cunt that appreciated question mark placement .

Or full stop placement.

[Ramandu]

5 hours ago, BrianFaePerth said:

Eh meet they criteria. As long as we launch before September.

Just got to that bit in the application document. For what it's worth, as long as your application is in before the big day, you're kosher.

[Dons79]

Brilliant, I am applying for this, a chance to fuck off from as many humans as possible while getting paid. Other language might put a dent in it. 
 

regarding studebaker question?

I would pick mila kunis and reese Witherspoon, and bring a Labrador for company 

 

[BrianFaePerth]

7 hours ago, Ramandu said:

Just got to that bit in the application document. For what it's worth, as long as your application is in before the big day, you're kosher.

Perfect. 

BrianFaeMars

[maryhilldon]

6 minutes ago, BrianFaePerth said:

Perfect. 

BrianFaeMars

BrianFaeUranus 

[dervish]

9 hours ago, Parklife said:

@Dad has already been to space 

 

My name's on some chip glued into the side of a rover on Mars (Twitter thing) that's so much better. 

Quite enjoying watching SpaceX casually chucking tonnes of stuff up into space then recovering the vehicle. Pretty dreamlike.

Also like.

Possibly why I'm not effective.

[Ramandu]

"ESA staff members have the status of international civil servants and are therefore exempt from national income tax in ESA Member States."

Nice.

[Fridge]

El Arsebandito

[Ramandu]

Fresco