Sooper-hanz Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, 1903Fitba said: Writing a best man speech. Tempted to just wing it, however I’ll be rubbered and her side of the family are very well to do. Melt downs incoming. Do what I did, and don't do it. Link to comment
Zeus Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Start it with... "Hullo mi dearies" Link to comment
Redforever86 Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 25 minutes ago, 1903Fitba said: Writing a best man speech. Tempted to just wing it, however I’ll be rubbered and her side of the family are very well to do. Melt downs incoming. Tell the one about the time he paid £230 for a close up of a strippers arsehole. 1 Link to comment
Redforever86 Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, Zeus said: Start it with... "Hullo mi dearies" Pull back your eyes and scream “WHY ER YI MERRIET TAE HER, WHY ER YI MERRIET TAE HER, I THOUCHT YI LOVED ME” Then down a pint of sweetheart stout, do a mic drop and leave. Link to comment
cheesepipes Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 5 hours ago, Bad_Mobby said: I’d only wear biker jeans if I was going to a fancy dress party as a member of some poodle haired 80’s rock band (then throw them in the bin) They wore tight jeans that showed off their anteaters snout or spandex leggings which also showed off the snout. Link to comment
cheesepipes Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 36 minutes ago, 1903Fitba said: Writing a best man speech. Tempted to just wing it, however I’ll be rubbered and her side of the family are very well to do. Melt downs incoming. Compare the groom to Wayne Couzens before starting a Davie Truscott chant. 1 Link to comment
manboobs109 Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 44 minutes ago, 1903Fitba said: Writing a best man speech. Tempted to just wing it, however I’ll be rubbered and her side of the family are very well to do. Melt downs incoming. Do the old "it's been a very emotional day, even the cakes in tears(tiers)" Gets them pishing themselves early doors. Link to comment
cheesepipes Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, Bad_Mobby said: Start off by saying you just did some cocaine in the toilets That one seems to be popular Then whip out your shrivelled cock and invite grandma to confirm its flaccidity. Before excusing yourself and locking yourself in the disabled bogs to mull over if that actually just happened or not. Link to comment
Sooper-hanz Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Make a reference to the bride having crabs. Link to comment
1903Fitba Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 10 minutes ago, manboobs109 said: Do the old "it's been a very emotional day, even the cakes in tears(tiers)" Gets them pishing themselves early doors. “I’ve been asked to prepare a few lines and not for the first time..” Bloodbath. Link to comment
Sooper-hanz Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Smash fuck out of the cake with a 2lb hammer. Link to comment
Don Fonte Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Sexually assault the bride's mum to a classic Thicke track. The bloody ledge. Link to comment
Parklife Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 2 hours ago, 1903Fitba said: Writing a best man speech. Tempted to just wing it, however I’ll be rubbered and her side of the family are very well to do. Melt downs incoming. I done one a few months ago. Had only had a couple of pints beforehand. Was a bit nervous but once I got talking was totally fine. I'm sure everyone's the same I prepared it a bit and let a few folk who weren't going to the wedding read it over before. Their praise of it gave me a bit more confidence that what I'd written was good. As I'd read it over so many times myself, I'd started to doubt myself. Best of luck. Link to comment
strachanmcgheegoal Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Honeymoon being two weeks to Bangor. Slays them every time. Link to comment
Hagi's pubic hair Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 Pissing myself at the Facebook fuckup, they sent out an update that bricked all their routers lol, so they have no access remotely to run a fix on thousands of routers worldwide, and to top it off, this update has also screwed the access to the buildings, just epic stuff. They could be down for a good few more hours. Link to comment
DD1903 Posted October 4, 2021 Share Posted October 4, 2021 2 hours ago, manboobs109 said: Do the old "it's been a very emotional day, even the cakes in tears(tiers)" Gets them pishing themselves early doors. A classic. Never fails Link to comment
Poodler Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 The one and only time I did one of those speeches, ironically I was categorically told no lines until after the meal/ speeches. I was rubbish at it. A jittery wreck. I Ken id have been better in full on bing bong mode, could’ve taken the mic for a walk Marti Pellow style. then held up the first dance due to being in a cubicle with a man who’s since done away with himself and a bridesmaid Don’t mention ex girlfriends is my advice. Parky has the right idea - getting it vetted. I let someone see mine on the eve of the wedding and it was all scored oot. Shame Link to comment
styrofoamplates Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 5 hours ago, Poodler said: The one and only time I did one of those speeches, ironically I was categorically told no lines until after the meal/ speeches. I was rubbish at it. A jittery wreck. I Ken id have been better in full on bing bong mode, could’ve taken the mic for a walk Marti Pellow style. then held up the first dance due to being in a cubicle with a man who’s since done away with himself and a bridesmaid Don’t mention ex girlfriends is my advice. Parky has the right idea - getting it vetted. I let someone see mine on the eve of the wedding and it was all scored oot. Shame Murder suicide? Link to comment
cheesepipes Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 My mate Styles mentioned something about all women being bitches or whores at a lovely sunny wedding at Pittodrie House Hotel. He got the cocaine fuelled table of arseholes in hysterics if anything. Link to comment
Zeus Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 11 hours ago, Hagi's pubic hair said: Pissing myself at the Facebook fuckup, they sent out an update that bricked all their routers lol, so they have no access remotely to run a fix on thousands of routers worldwide, and to top it off, this update has also screwed the access to the buildings, just epic stuff. They could be down for a good few more hours. 2 Link to comment
Redforever86 Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 44 minutes ago, cheesepipes said: My mate Styles mentioned something about all women being bitches or whores at a lovely sunny wedding at Pittodrie House Hotel. He got the cocaine fuelled table of arseholes in hysterics if anything. A. Styles? Link to comment
Henry Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 12 hours ago, Parklife said: I prepared it a bit and let a few folk who weren't going to the wedding read it over before. Their praise of it gave me a bit more confidence that what I'd written was good. #humblebrag Link to comment
Parklife Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 12 minutes ago, Henry said: #humblebrag It's all a lie anyway, according to @rocket_scientist Link to comment
Sooper-hanz Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 Think Parky emailed me a draft of it iirc. Needed a wee bit of editing but was generally very good . I advised him to leave out the ‘rap’ at the end though. Link to comment
cheesepipes Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 Just Styles...... No initial. A wild man and amateur arsonist and pyrotechnics enthusiast in his youth. Link to comment
Bluto10 Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 usually do card read outs from the local school nonce at the crews weddins Link to comment
Zeus Posted October 5, 2021 Share Posted October 5, 2021 Keyworking from the office - the pandemic is over Link to comment
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